Politics

Ha-Laal Salaam – Amendment to the communist constitution

Yesterday, some high profile communists woke up in the morning and proceeded to solve the issue of declining numbers of gullible cadres. It was noticed since long that every time communist leaders gave a public speech, only cattle appeared as audience and even they did not show the courtesy to stay till the end and ran away after chewing all the revolutionary pamphlets.

This prompted all the comrades, draped in different hues of Red, join hands to meet in Venezuela. The location was strategic. It was carefully chosen after taken into consideration the declining economy of the country under a fascist capitalist. They chose Venezuela so all the Indian comrades could learn how to apply Venezuelan economic policies in India.

They passed several amendments to the communist constitution to ensure they could lure the youth of India and convert them into fellow comrades.

The amendments are as follows:

  1. Comrades will use ‘Ha-Laal salaam’ instead of ‘Laal Salaam’ to make themselves popular among true proletariat people – the Muslims.
  2. Beef will be made free for all to take revenge against the cows that keep chewing the revolutionary pamphlets.
  3. Communism will be called as Candy Crushism to make it popular among the masses.
  4. Communist leaders will open baby day care centres so that babies can brainwashed. Comrades have to be converted young. This decision was taken after the realisation that it is too late to brainwash these youngsters once they get an education.
  5. Baby cadres will be recruited after they are able to babble ‘Ha-Laal Salaam’.
  6. Atleast 1,000 communist JNU scholars will be employed to find the real caste certificate of Narendra Modi so that his Brahmin origins are substantiated. They will be remunerated for their work in kind with alcohol and beef.
  7. Communist leaders will try to hire Dhinchak Pooja to sing communist songs to increase popularity.
  8. Bullet train was comdemned for its high speed and it was decided that every indian will be convinced to use donkey carts as alternative mode of transport.
  9. Final decision was to change the caterer for poverty oriented seminars so that red carrot halwa is added in the lunch menu.

Ha-laal Salaam.

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