The RSS has just decided to change its uniform from khaki shorts to brown trousers after a good 91 years. Surely there are much better things to talk about than uniform an organisation ports, but then for that Indian media needs to work hard. Here is an excerpt of some possible news-room deliberations on this issue:
Editor-in-Cheap of a leading news channel – To arrest our sliding TRP ratings, today, we are discussing a topic that is of great national interest. It is socially relevant, has tremendous intellectual potential and has the capacity to impact the lives of every citizen of this country! Yes, we are discussing one and ONLY burning issue before the nation today, ‘The increasing length of the RSS uniform.’
Our guests today are, a psychologist who will discuss how this decision is a result of a subliminal, puritanical desire to cover one’s leg.
Our second guest today is Ms. Loud Mouth from #JNU who will explain, how this subliminal desire stems from thousands of years of Manuwadi, patriarchal, misogynist thoughts and how it is actually a devious plot to keep the women under covers.
We will visit the #JNU campus with a measuring tape and measure the length of women’s skirts to prove her point!
Our third guest is a Pakistani journalist now settled in London who will talk about how absolutely liberal Pakistan is, in comparison to the RSS, how no one measures the length of the Burkha.
Our fourth guest today is Madam Big Bindi Communist. She will talk about how this is all a crony capitalist controversy to increase sales figures of big cloth mills?
Our fifth guest is an AAP spokesperson who will call Modi ‘an Ambani-Adani-Tata-Birla-CIA-Mossad-LIC agent’ and ask for his resignation. He will link the increased length of pants to additional cloth requirement by thousands of pracharaks to increased demand for cloth from Ambani owned Vimal, thus proving that Modi is doing all he can to help Ambani.
Our last guest for today’s show is someone we all know and love! The uber glamorous Surmewali Budhiya. She will give her expert, simpering opinion on how RBI governor Raghuram Rajan will look ‘smoking hot’ in the new RSS uniform.
And that’s not all. We have a phone-in with that big film star from Mumbai, where he talks with great anguish in his voice about how his Begum read about the changed RSS uniform in the morning newspapers and felt so despondent at this intolerance against shorts!!