CPM whistle-blower leaks proceedings of a secret party meeting after Tripura debacle

A CPI-M insider got in touch with OpIndia and offered to share the details of a closed door meeting in which key party leaders were present. He says the Tripura election results were discussed but the changes needed for future survival of party were put in the back-burner again. The whistle-blower has been a staunch supporter of the party for a couple of decades. But he is now exasperated with the lack of reforms inside the party. Therefore he has decided to to expose the leaders of the party. Since none of the Lutyens media are trustworthy he has approached OpIndia for airing out his discontent.

The party leaders present in the closed door meeting were Sitaram Kachori, Pinarayi Ajayan, Brinda Carrot, Prakash Carrot and ten other leaders. As per the whistleblower, all leaders were alloted two minutes (despite it reminding them of capitalist conspiracy called Maggi) to put forward their comments and observations. However, the rest of the meeting was dominated by these leaders.

Though faint voices of dissent and demands for reforms in party policies were heard, much of it was brushed under the carpet though sheer mental gymnastics as per the whistle-blower. 

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Mr Kachori: Good morning comrades. I thank all of you for putting forward your views. I have noted down your suggestions. It is indeed tragic that a strong left bastion has fallen. I have somehow managed to save our image in the media by telling Bharatiya Jingoistic Party has won because of money power. But we must seriously introspect on this loss. I know that our counterparts in China are doing an awesome job. But you must be aware that there is a certain amount of meritocracy in Chinese communist party. We can’t allow such a thing here. So we will have to figure out the way forward.

Manik Bekar: I take personal responsibility for this loss. R YES YES was campaigning right under my nose. But I did know that a larger number of  them were operating in the state.

Prakash Carrot : No point in pondering about what you could not do Mr Bekar. You have put us in a precarious position. I need to check with the party treasurer about our financial health now. I am afraid, we need to seriously cut down on our expenditures for the next few years.

Mr Kachori : That is indeed true. I will have to start using capitalist Uber company’s services for next few years for commuting in metropolises. I can’t manage my expenses with meagre Rajya Sabha pension. I am forseeing a day when I will have to downgrade my internet data plan.

Pinarayi Ajayan: Mr Kachori and comrades, please don’t feel helpless. Please remember that Kerala still is under our grip. Mr Bekar, I will forward you some of the you-know-whats we managed to do in my state. Might serve as a reference.

Brinda Carrot : But what went wrong with the people. How can they fall into the R YES YES propaganda trap. Who is the Sunil deodorant? Bekar saab, you should have highlighted major red flags in previous meetings.

Manik Bekar : That was punny, Mrs Carrot. I was confident about the devotion our people had for communist ideology. R YES YES people were given the you-know-what treatment. But, you should also ensure that the fear factor must not cross a certain threshold. You are well aware of this policy of ours Mrs Carrot. We cannot afford to loose the entire narrative to R YES YES and Bharatiya Jingoistic Party propaganda.

Sitaram Kachori : We are digressing a bit. Now we must discuss two other important points raised by our comrades. Should we embrace market economics like our Chinese counterparts have done? And secondly, I know Mr Carrot will vehemently oppose me, should we ally with Khangress party in future elections? These are two important issues. Mr Ajayan can pitch in about any other interesting suggestions as he is the only Chief minister we have right now.

Pinarayi Ajayan : See Mr Kachori, Khangress is an opponent in my state. You must remember that. If this stupid idea of yours is accepted publicly, I will lose my god, nay, Lenin damn CM position in next election. Khangress can be tacitly supported outside, but we cannot afford to do that in the only left leaning state of India. Also, please ditch your capitalist dreams Mr Kachori. North Korea and Cuba are still doing fine without Capitalist nonsense.

Prakash Carrot : Indeed. Look at our fellow comrades. They have nuclear weapons now. South Korea is pissing in its pants and now negotiating with Kim Jong Un.

Sitaram Kachori : Ok Comrades. Xi Jingping will be disappointed when I report to him in a scheduled video conference this evening. I may have differences. Yes it is pissing off sometimes, but I have to stick with all of you. I hate to use the term that R YES YES guys often resort to. This is my Karma.

Brinda Carrot : Awww. Don’t feel so bad Mr Kachori. We need to stay together in these difficult times. We can’t jeopardize the position of Mr Pinarayi Ajayan in the only leftist state that is left in India.

Pinarayi Ajayan : Mr Kachori, I am aware of the financial difficulties in the party. I can form some advisory committee in my state and give all of you some job. Like Sonia Ghandy’s National Armchair Council.

Prakash Carrot : That is a good idea, but I feel that is not the top priority item Mr. Ajayan. We need to strengthen the party and remain committed to ideology. Khangress is pro-capitalism and pro-America. I feel very very angry about these people.

Sitaram Kachori : Ok then. Comrades. This was a good meeting. I agree with Mr Carrot. Top priority must be given to rejuvenating the party. I think we should call it a wrap now. Please stand up when the communist manifesto plays and sit down when the National Anthem plays.

Please don’t ask OpIndia to reveal the identity of the whistle-blower. His life may be under threat already as he was one of the dissenters in the party. 

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