Elections are coming. If Ned Stark had lived in India, he would have replaced ‘Winter’ with ‘Elections’ for his favorite line and House Stark’s motto and it would surely have sounded equally ominous, grim and chaotic. As fate would have it, Winter is actually coming with the final season of Game Of Thrones at almost the same time elections are coming in India. Expect pandemonium everywhere. But Indian elections have a specialty. Here elections mean the grand battle of politicians, yes, but they also come with a massive entertainment package for us.
We unwashed, brown, dirty Indians do not know how to choose our leaders. As Indian mainstream media reminds us every day, we chose uncouth, unsophisticated people to lead our country in 2014. The people we chose in 2014 are neither stylish, nor fair, handsome and none of them look like our previous Prime Ministers either. Believe it or not, that is a blunder. Have we forgotten how important is it to look like Indira Gandhi for being Young India’s leader?
If not for dedicated reporters of mainstream media who work day and night to lift us Indians from the ignorance of expecting results, accountability, development, and commitment from our leaders, we would have never known the importance of dimples, colors of sarees and shade of t-shirts. The profound benevolence of asking a bunch of teenagers to call a descendant of Nehru by his first name would have been lost to us.
Take this Daily O article for example. It reveals to us that Rahul Gandhi, the Sunder, Susheel son of Sonia Maino, sorry, Gandhi, is the ‘most eligible bachelor’ of India.
Have we ever thought of that? The article is an eye-opener. We have been watching Rahul Gandhi considering him a politician keen on winning elections in his own way. We have been focusing on his inability to pronounce words, his obsession over repeating his lies, his appearances, and disappearances, his mobile factories and connected MRIs. Did we ever realise that Rahul cannot be viewed as a regular politician, cannot be judged for his words and statements because he is a descendant of Nehru and not some poor shakha Swayamsevak who won an election by a fluke?
This article tells us that Rahul should be seen from the point of view of a teenage girl gushing over a bare-chested Salman Khan sporting a guitar. Instead of asking questions like the poor girl in Odisha who foolishly asked about a badminton court, he should be marveled upon for his flawless gait, his cool attire of t-shirt and jeans, his superstar-level ease when saying “Call me Rahul”.
There are some journalists and media outlets, who, thankfully, have dedicated themselves to the task of educating us foolish Indians about the sheer divinity and the bliss of getting a Nehru descendant as a political leader. If Rahul is an eligible bachelor who ‘connects with the youth’, his sister Priyanka is all divine blessings, hope, power and positivity combined in her graceful resemblance of her Daadi.
We saw a glimpse of the dedication of these reporters when it was announced that Priyanka Gandhi was finally joining active politics, after years of campaigning for her mother and brother in every election in recent times. A gathering of ‘Congress supporters’ was being ordered, directed and stage managed to react exactly as the reporter instructed, to show the world how excited they are upon the ‘arrival’ of Priyanka.
Cursed are those people who keep blabbering about mundane, humane things like groundwork, experience, connection, results, and hard work. They are for lesser mortals. Godsends like Priyanka and Rahul do not need to lower themselves into the stature of common politicians like Modi and Yogi. The shape of their noses, the depths of their dimples and the radiance of their faces are enough to rid the country of its sufferings.
Is it not a good fortune of ours when Priyanka decides to dress like us? What more can we expect from a political leader?
We should by now, accustom ourselves with the fact that reporters asking the general public for the performance of a political party or leader is for ‘common’ leaders, who have exploited the simplicity of ignorant Indians and cheated them with mundane, earthly possessions like gas cylinders, healthcare, road connectivity, and infrastructure. What use the blessed souls of God’s children have of these things, when they can marvel over the attire of angels like Priyanka, the fabric and make of her sarees, the kindness of her gestures when she chooses to dress like us and the opinions of the greatest designers over those sarees.
We need more and more reports like that of Priyanka’s journey yesterday. The fact that she decided to take an Indigo flight for her campaign and sat near a window seat, just like any of us, should be enough for Indians to stop being fooled by allegations of corruption made by her rivals. What are mediocre land deals and ED raids in front of this gesture of profound kindness that Indira Gandhi’s granddaughter decided to travel like a common Indian?
— India Today (@IndiaToday) March 17, 2019
As the report highlights, Priyanka walked towards the plane, climbed the stairs and took a window seat, can we believe it? Who does that? 13F was the blessed seat on that plane. The report goes ahead to describe how she allowed passengers to have “informal chats and selfies” with her. Just when our poor souls were wondering what more can a voter ask for, we are told that she even had a power nap during the flight. If voters had even a shred of humanity left, they should be weeping tears of joy at that information.
As the flight lands and Priyanka disembarks, the reporter and the TV studio anchor continue the noble task of educating us of the importance of the journey. The reporter was seen sitting at a distance from Priyanka during the flight, who did not even glance at her once. She tells about Priyanka listening to the flight safety instructions carefully. She also lets on that the crew had to ask Priyanka repeatedly whether she had understood the instructions. The reporter and the anchor then discuss Priyanka’s vision and her agenda, her message for the youth, women, and farmers. Though our heathen mind asks us the question why did Priyanka not utter a sentence herself and why are the reporters who are doing all her campaigning, it is probably something the communal, intolerant devil in our mind is making us do.
Isn’t it the proof of India’s progress that in a matter of a few weeks, we have moved on from office door of Priyanka Gandhi to flight journey of Priyanka Gandhi? Journalism in India is setting global standards.
In the coming days, there will be more such reports. There are non-believers on social media who criticise the spread of good news like Priyanka taking a boat ride, Priyanka coming to drop her husband for an ED interrogation, Priyanka saying “Who?”, Priyanka getting a new office and Priyanka wearing a new saree. But the fearless, determined journalists dedicated to their faith will carry on their reportage on how she smiled, how she said thanks to an air hostess, how she enjoyed the breeze during the boat ride and probably how she waved like her grandmother.
You can praise me but make sure you keep your filthy body atleast 4 feet away from me. And also don’t expect even a glance while you are gushing over me.https://t.co/cdHOE8AOH1
— Divya (@divya_16_) March 18, 2019
— saket suryesh 🇮🇳 (@saket71) March 17, 2019
We, the people, should consider ourselves fortunate that despite the sins of electing Modi in 2014, we have been blessed with leaders like Rahul and Priyanka. We might be ignorant enough to expect politicians to deliver on their promises, make roads, weed out corruption and provide India with the basic needs, but there are certain dedicated soldiers of journalism who have taken the gigantic responsibility of clearing our vision, to rid our mind of materialistic expectations and bask in the reflected glory of these beautiful siblings, who will be youth icons even in their fifties, who will be kickstarting more campaigns than Sriharikota launches satellites, and will continue to brighten our days with brilliantly chosen clothes and flashing smiles with mesmerising dimples.
reader, writer, dreamer, no one