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Juhi Chawla may have disrupted her own hearing but here are some of her songs which deserve a contempt notice of their own

I am #TeamJuhi and while she is a lovely actress, one just cannot forget the cringe unleashed on unsuspecting audience back in the 90s.

I am #TeamJuhi. Juhi Chawla today created chaos by inadvertently sharing live link of her plea hearing on all social media networks. And while that may have led to amusement to most of us, the court wasn’t too happy.

Growing up in the 90s, I have had a very healthy dose of Hindi movies. I have a voracious appetite for trashy Hindi movies. From Jaani Dushman Ek Anokhi Kahani to Jeetendra’s Haatimtai to Amitabh Bachchan’s Jadugar, I’ve seen and loved them all. So when a Juhi Chawla fan today played her songs in middle of court hearing, I cheered. I wished it would have been me (minus pissing off the judges, of course).

But a casual conversation with my colleague Sanghamitra shattered a couple of glasses in my mind as all the innocent songs of my childhood were suddenly filled with innuendos. Let me get this straight, I love Juhi Chawla as an actress and this article is not meant to pull her down. This is more like an ode to her trashy songs which all deserve a contempt notice or some FIR under multiple sections.

Ghoonghat ki aad se dilbar ka

This was one of the many songs played in the hearing today, which is what eventually triggered this article. Hum Hai Rahi Pyaar Ke was released in 1993. Juhi looks ravishing in this song in copper-coloured lehenga.

But, as I was reminded by Sanghamitra, this song was part of Mala D contraceptive pills ad. I tried finding the ad, but it seems the ad is forgotten like how it is forgotten that this song too has innuendos.

Here are the lyrics of the song with its rough translation. “Ghoonghat ki aad se dilbar, deedar adhoora, rehta hai, jab tak na pade, aashiq ki nazar, singar adhoora rehta hai..(behind a ghooghat (or covering), one cannot appreciate beauty of the beloved… unless you see the beloved, the dressing up is incomplete)” Now that the glass has shattered in my head, I cannot not wonder what adhoora deedar was being talked about?

Khada hai, khada hai

If there is single most song which took me way too long to realise was full of innuendos it is this song.

The songs goes ‘Khada hai khada hai khadaaaaa hai… (it is standing, it is standing, it is standing)’. It starts with visuals of Juhi Chawla and Anil Kapoor ‘teasing’ each other, perhaps wanting to move on to some real action. One can even see it involves a lot of testing of the elasticity of the bed before um, well. Anyway, one is just glad this song wasn’t played in the courtroom today. I would have completely lost it and perhaps died of laughter. In case anyone wants to listen (and watch) to full song, one can do so here.

Main maal gaadi tu dhakka laga

So it seems the 1994 release Andaz was brought to life only to unleash upon unsuspecting people the trauma of all double meaning songs.

The actual picturisation of this song has a train-like setup with a lot of midriff show by Juhi where she calls herself ‘maal gaadi’ and asks Anil Kapoor to ‘dhakka laga’ (thrust). At one point the two of them are taking small steps while making quick pelvic moves where Juhi sings, “garam ho gaya engine iska, dhakka deta jaa (engine is all heated up, keep pushing)”.

Anil Kapoor at one point sings and asks the maal gaadi to wait, that he will start the engine soon and she should not be afraid. Even writing this makes me cringe at the prospect of people reading what I have written and judging me. But no sir. The 90s era, this song I used to sing happily during antakasharis because I was innocent.

Imagine being a kid and happily singing these catchy songs in front of everyone only to grow up and realise the horrors of how maal gadi song is not really about trains.

Neend ke maare

This is from the song Naajayaz which was released in 1995. This film was my first brush with the word ‘naajayaz’ and I was too young ot realise what even does ‘illegitimate (child)’ mean. The song that was more popular and more cringe from this movie was ‘laal laal hothon pe gori kiska naam hai (who’s name is there on your red-red lips)’ and the mini me would blush at the prospect of singing aloud about ‘red lips’. But this song was different. It took me YEARS to realise how it was not as simple.

Apparently this song was about her sexual encounter without consent, because ‘neend ke maare‘ (she was asleep?) – was it a… rape? And someone please explain that horrifying scream as soon as the singer sings ‘darwaza khula chhod aayi’. My eyes and ears are bleeding all over again as I listen to them for writing this article and I’m going to have to watch cute dog and panda videos to make up for this.

Obviously, the tiktok tiktok bit was such an earworm, I would happily sing the song while playing antakshari on my way to and from school.

This is also the time I wish the meteor that hit the earth and killed the dinosaurs would hit now before anyone I know personally reads this article and associates all these cringe songs with me.

Tum mere ho

To wrap this up, I’ll bring you not a movie but a scene. As I said I have voracious appetite for trashy Hindi movies. Tum Mere Ho is one such film. The film is about ichhadhari naag-naagins (shape-shifter snakes) and Aamir Khan is a snakecharmer-cum-occultist who falls in love with Juhi and she gets bitten by Kalpana Iyer, a shapeshifting snake out on revenge (these snakes are always taking revenge all the time).

Somehow, the snakecharmers manage to get Kalpana Iyer inside a circle and force her to suck back her own poison from dead Juhi to undead her.

“Choos, zeher choos, (SUCK THE POISON, B*TCH)” Aamir Khan yells at snakewoman Iyer while raising his eyes look like he got a stroke with a skull and bone in his hand and there are firecrackers and Iyer biting her lower lips before finally sucking it (poison).

That’s it folks, that’s all. I have had enough of cringe for the day.

So guys, what do you think is more dangerous? 5G or 90s Bollywood? Tiktok Tiktok Tiktok….

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Nirwa Mehta
Politically incorrect. Author, Flawed But Fabulous.

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