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Frustrated Pakistani Army now wants Shah Rukh Khan to pay attention to them

For some inexplicable reason, Ghafoora took offence at a band of desert terrorists being shown as the bad guys. Whether that is an admission of guilt or some deep-rooted identity crisis in his psyche, it is not clear.

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Calling Pakistan a parody nation is fast becoming an insult to the word itself. Pakistan is where all logic, reasoning, common sense and human intelligence come to die. Parody needs some level of wit and sarcasm, but Pakistan is that abyss of lunacy that probably their own neurons keep blowing themselves up like their suicide bombers.

After crying themselves hoarse over India’s internal decisions regarding abrogation of Article 370 and reorganisation of Jammu and Kashmir, Pakistan got zero attention and zero sympathies from the United Nations, the Muslim countries and their imaginary friends in the world, Pakistan, its army, its media and its political leaders have been internalising their frustration. But the frustration levels are so high, it keeps spilling out of their neuron-less brains into their social media rants and media statements.

Major General Asif Ghafoor, the official spokesperson of the Pakistani army who thinks it is his patriotic and religious duty to be a Twitter troll, has now directed his ranting towards Shah Rukh Khan and his upcoming Netflix series.

One would expect that an official spokesperson of an army, however sad and pathetic that army may be, should be focused on strategic affairs and crucial information, but Pakistan being the global anomaly zone when the rules of the universe get flipped into grotesque anomalies on their own, Ghafoora (as he is popularly known) has found it perfectly ok to beg for attention from a Bollywood star.

Bollywood star Shah Rukh Khan had on August 22, shared the trailer of the upcoming Netflix series Bard of Blood, starring Imran Hashmi and Shobhita Dhulipala. The trailer shows a group of 3 Indian spies going on a secret mission to some undeveloped desert region where a band of terrorists are running wild.

For some inexplicable reason, Ghafoora took offence at a band of desert terrorists being shown as the bad guys. Whether that is an admission of guilt or some deep-rooted identity crisis in his psyche, it is not clear, but offended he has been. He has also asked Shah Rukh to “stay in Bollywood syndrome”, again for some unknown reason because Bollywood is exactly where Shah Rukh lives and works but then, it is Pakistan and it is Ghafoora, so let us cut poor Ghafoora some slack.

Then, Ghafoora asks Shah Rukh to see the reality in Kulbhushan Yadav, Abhinandan and 27 Feb. I became slightly surprised at the spark of honesty but then realised, Ghafoora was not admitting their failure, he genuinely, honestly believes that the incidents he has listed down somehow show Pakistan’s superiority. Let us discuss a bit:

  1. Kulbhushan Jadhav’s case has been taken to the ICJ where the ICJ ruled in favour of India, granted India consular access and halted the death sentence awarded to Jadhav by Pakistan’s shoddy military court. While Pakistan had grudgingly offered to grant India consular access to Kulbhushan Jadhav after the ICJ order, the External Affairs Ministry had rejected it as it came with riders. Pakistan may delay the procedure, but any harm to Jadhav will now result in a global condemnation for Pakistan and as PM Modi has proven, will not go without ruthless punishment.
  2. Wing Commander Abhinandan Varthaman’s capture and the images of locals beating him are used by Pakistanis as some kind of self-appreciation. But they forgot that their military HAD to keep him safe and unharmed. Pakistan had desperately hoped to use Abhnandan as a bargaining chip, even they had begged for bilateral dialogues to start by claiming that they would return him but India refused to budge. Abhinandan’s ramrod straight gait and sheer courage at the face adversity made him an instant star in India. And Pakistan had to escort him back to Wagha Attari border soon. If anything, the Abhinandan episode should put Pakistanis to shame, but then, they are a country that finds pride in selling donkeys to China, so, let’s not expect anything much.

The fact that WC Abhinandan had blown up a Pakistani F-16 from his vintage Mig-21 Bison will be the stuff of AirForce legend for decades to come, but Pakistan is, well, Pakistan.

3. 27 February witnessed a dogfight between Indian and Pakistani air force. While India lost a Mig-21 Bison and its Pilot had to parachute into hostile territory, Pakistan lost an F-16. While Abhinandan was celebrated, awarded and hailed in India as a hero, the unfortunate Pakistani pilot was not even named or remembered by the country he gave his life for. Pakistan never even bothered to own their dead fighter.

Yes, Pakistani jets did try to venture into India, but they were chased back. Unlike 26 Feb, when Indian fighter jets flew deep inside Pakistan and bombed a terrorist camp in Balakot, Pakistan could do nothing, all they achieved was global humiliation.

Reduced to the status of international beggars, Pakistan has in the last few weeks begged for attention from literally anyone, only to be ignored and shooed away. Facing insult after insult, they have now started to direct their frustration at Bollywood celebs. Their minister for Human Rights (yes, they have one, we were shocked to find out too) had begged the UNICEF to delist Priyanka Chopra as a UN Goodwill ambassador, now Ghafoora wants SRK to pay some attention to his whining. Ghafoora may next beg Kamal R Khan to mention him in one of his popular movie reviews.

Ghafoora is offended by desert terrorists being shown in Indian TV as bad guys. As a bold move against India, Ghafoora might as well motivate the Pakistani Army to make their own web series where desert terrorists will blow themselves up joyfully in their quest for 72 Pakistani women in Pakistani heaven.

Their news anchor Kiran Naz will make a spectacular female lead in that web series. Her passionate meltdowns are already very popular in India.

For all the behavioural anomalies and neurological malfunction, Pakistanis do seem to be consuming some potent narcotic. That is the only explanation for the blissful self-satisfaction displayed by its people at the face of utter ruin.

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