Thursday, December 3, 2020
Home Variety Satire Eeny Meeny Mynie Moh: Angry Gods

Eeny Meeny Mynie Moh: Angry Gods

“When I was growing up the gods were never angry,” said Eeny to her friends at a quiet cocktail party in a hidden corner of a terrace bar.

“I know,” concurred her friend, Meeny, and poured some more wine for herself. “Look what they did to poor Hanuman.”

“I adore Hanuman,” said Mynie, not to be left out, “and his cute elephant trunk.”

“That’s Ganesha, you dunce,” said Moh with some irritation. “Haven’t you seen those saffron stickers of angry Hanuman on the back of cabs?”

“Ugh!” said Mynie, disgusted as if she had found paneer instead of tofu in her salad. “Who goes in a cab?”

“The point is,” said Eeny, “that Hanuman was always a nonviolent God. Remember how he won over Lanka with love?”

“What?” asked Meeny, her face plainly indicating that this was a news to her. “Didn’t he burn the whole city down with his tail on fire?”

“No, that is what we are made to believe by these militant right-wingers,” replied Eeny, with the confidence of someone who has recently learned about some new topic by stumbling upon a WhatsApp post or a Quora answer.

“You must be kidding,” said Meeny.

“Do you know the real story?” asked Eeny, warming up to display her erudition. “When Hanuman reached Lanka, the kingdom was very dark. In order to find Sita, or was it, Gita? Anyway, he needed some light, and since there was no electricity then, he lighted the whole kingdom with so many lamps, olive oil ones at that. The city just looked like it is burning – probably some later historian mistranslated the event.”

“Who told you that?” asked Moh, unable to believe a single word of this.

Eeny looked at her, and with a triumph, said, “I read it in the book Authentic Mythology of Hindu Deities by Sanjay Dutt…I forgot his last name, some Naik.”

“Unbelievable,” exclaimed Moh.

“Duh!” retorted Eeny, mistaking Moh’s outburst as a comment on the book instead of the story. “It says authentic right in the title, so it has to be the true story.”

Moh shook her head and poured herself more wine.

Meeny, meanwhile, picked up a piece of tofu with her fork and said, “Now that you mention this, I now remember once meeting an eminent historian who said that Shiva was a nonviolent god too.”

“Absolutely,” said Eeny, for the book by Sanjay Dutt some-Naik also included stories on Shiva, and added, “one more militant right-wing narrative that he is an angry god – they have made us believe that he is the Lord of Destruction. Rubbish!”

“When Shiva opens his third eye,” said Meeny, trying to sound as erudite as her friend Eeny had tried, “rays of love will spread across the Universe.”

However hard Moh tried to ignore them by sipping more wine, she couldn’t. “What nonsense!” she hollered. “Shiva once opened his third eye and Kama, the Love God, you know, was turned to ashes – they were not rays of love, my sweetie pies, but rays of fury.”

Eeny knew what to say. “It’s a…uh…what is called an allergy, Moh.”

“What?!” yelled Moh.

“Allergy…it means, you know, a story that is really not what the story is about,” said Eeny, with some confusion.

“You mean an allegory?” asked Moh.

Meeny, who was getting impatient to add her two cents, interrupted and said, “Allergy or allegory, who cares? Do you know what I love about Shiva? The moon on his locks…I had read somewhere that it actually means peace. Such a secular symbol!”

Mynie, who was silent until then, said, “I adore Shiva and that chakkar thing that spins on his finger.” Just in case the rest did not get her abstruse reference, she lifted her index finger and went, “whirrrrrrrrrrr!”

Eeny and Meeny laughed hard at this, for despite reading books by Kudratey Schuer and the one that they called Sanjay Dutt some-Naik, they knew that Mynie was wrong about this one.

“Where did you grow up, Mynie?” asked Eeny, still laughing. “Even Shahid Siddiqui knows better than you about Hindu prophets.”

Mynie shrugged her shoulders and said with evident nonchalance, “I am a poet, and for me, poetry is more important than the story.”

Eeny and Meeny conversed about how the militant right-wing had made Durga an angry goddess in recent years.

“I didn’t know that Durga was a major goddess in Polynesian mythology,” said Eeny.

Moh had to intervene. “Whoever told you that? Durga is as Indian as Ganesha or Vishnu or any of the other gods.”

“Rowling said in one of her tweets,” said Eeny, and her eyes went dreamy remembering some obscure spell in one of her books on the boy wizard.

Meeny, looking at the incredulousness on Moh’s face, retorted saying, “She is the greatest author ever, and she cannot be wrong. She knows more about spells and stories than anyone else!”

Moh, who had never read any of Rowling’s books, wondered if there was a spell to turn her friends to ashes, and then realized that she did not need Rowling for that. Shiva had already done that some millennia before three-quarter platforms had existed.

“I adore Durga,” said Mynie, interrupting the conversation this time, “and the gold coins that fall from her palm. Clink clink clink.”

Eeny and Meeny laughed again.

Moh wanted to scream at her friends, slap them with some sense, tell them that their ignorant blabber was lower than the intelligence of politicians who had made a habit of lying every time their kurta was torn, but they had always been good to her. She looked around and the terrace bar spelt “upscale” in bold. The wine was also especially great today. She poured some more for herself.

Eeny’s iPhone vibrated on the table. She picked it up as if it was her baby, and tapped on the WhatsApp notification.

“Get the placards ladies – we need to go,” said Eeny, evidently in response to some message she had got.

Eeny, Meeny, Mynie, and Moh left the building without paying the bill.

  Support Us  

Whether NDTV or 'The Wire', they never have to worry about funds. In name of saving democracy, they get money from various sources. We need your support to fight them. Please contribute whatever you can afford

Kansaratvahttps://amzn.to/2PZDEfY
Author of "Twisted Threads", a satirical book on power, politics, and pollution set in the post-2014 era about connected machines and disconnected ideologies.

Related Articles

Trending now

Here are 5 fear-mongering claims about the COVID vaccine, because even Harbhajan Singh is not ‘immune’ to rumours

Debunking claims about Covid-19 vaccine is the need of the hour as celebrities and influencers have started posting misleading information.

Mamata Banerjee brags about knowing 14 languages to compete with PM Modi, then says ‘I don’t like to show-off’: Read what happened

Well, the iconic "caa caa chi chi" song by Mamata Banerjee does not leave an iota of doubt on how talented the WB CM is

Kangana Ranaut vs Diljit Dosanjh fight turns ugly, she calls him Karan Johar’s pet dog

Days after Kangana mistook an elderly lady in Punjab farmers' protest for Bilkis Bano of Shaheen Bagh 'protests', Punjabi singer-actor Diljit Dosanjh got into a war of words with her on Twitter.

Swati Chaturvedi wants to sue Twitter user and send him to jail for exposing her history of manipulated media

Swati Chaturvedi wants to sue someone for pointing out she shared photoshopped image after having apologised for sharing the same photoshopped image.

Rahul Gandhi spreads misinformation and creates confusion regarding coronavirus vaccines. Here are the facts

It is shocking that Rahul Gandhi, instead of allaying fears of the public at the time of health emergency, has now chosen to play his pity politics on the issue of coronavirus vaccines.

Exposing hypocrisy of Congress, CPIM, Bharatiya Kisan Union and even Justin Trudeau over the Farm Bills 2020, point by point

The industry scale hypocrisy surrounding the protests around Farm Laws is staggering

Recently Popular

Ex-Indian cricketer Yuvraj Singh’s father Yograj Singh joins Farmer’s protests, justifies “Indira thok di” comment

Multiple videos of Yograj Singh, Yuvraj Singh's father, have gone viral on social media where he has been giving provocative speeches amid the ongoing farmer protests

Indian man proposes to his Australian girlfriend during Ind vs Aus cricket match, here is what happened next

While India's performance has been below par, netizens found happiness in the unusual proposal that became the highlight of the match.

Even pandering doesn’t get India Today a free pass: Here is why ‘liberals’ are today cancelling Rajdeep and Rahul Kanwal

'Liberals' are cancelling India Today, Rajdeep Sardesai and Rahul Kanwal over their coverage of the allegations against Shehla Rashid

Mirzapur: Three Brahmin boys found dead, family says they were murdered with eyes gouged out, police deny

The three cousins: 14-year-old Sudhanshu Tiwari, 14-year-old Shivam Tiwari and Hariom Tiwari were mysteriously found dead in a pond in the Lalganj police station area, Mirzapur.

MDH Masala owner Mahashay Dharampal Gulati passes away at 97

Mahashay Dharampal Gulati, the owner of the spices brand 'MDH' passed away on Thursday morning following a cardiac arrest.

Webchutney: A marketing company with a ‘liberal’ CEO that seems to be dragging Swiggy through the mud

Food delivery app Swiggy recently stoked controversy by responding to a troll account taking an extreme political side

PM Modi gave me pension, my sons assaulted me: Watch video of 85-year-old woman who wants to give 12-bigha land to PM Modi

The elderly woman said that while PM Modi gave her pension, her sons physically assaulted her, hence, she wanted to give land to him

Here are 5 fear-mongering claims about the COVID vaccine, because even Harbhajan Singh is not ‘immune’ to rumours

Debunking claims about Covid-19 vaccine is the need of the hour as celebrities and influencers have started posting misleading information.

Mamata Banerjee brags about knowing 14 languages to compete with PM Modi, then says ‘I don’t like to show-off’: Read what happened

Well, the iconic "caa caa chi chi" song by Mamata Banerjee does not leave an iota of doubt on how talented the WB CM is

Kangana Ranaut vs Diljit Dosanjh fight turns ugly, she calls him Karan Johar’s pet dog

Days after Kangana mistook an elderly lady in Punjab farmers' protest for Bilkis Bano of Shaheen Bagh 'protests', Punjabi singer-actor Diljit Dosanjh got into a war of words with her on Twitter.

Mangaluru police arrest online food delivery agent Nazeer Mohammad for painting graffitis hailing Islamic terror

The graffiti warned 'sanghis' and 'Manuvadis' that Lashkar and Taliban will be invited to deal with them.

Swati Chaturvedi wants to sue Twitter user and send him to jail for exposing her history of manipulated media

Swati Chaturvedi wants to sue someone for pointing out she shared photoshopped image after having apologised for sharing the same photoshopped image.

As China edges towards a food crisis, it looks at India to feed its citizens

Chinese President XI Jinping had launched Operation Empty Plate in the country in August to prevent wastage of food.

‘Why this selectivity?’, India slams UNGA for not speaking against persecution of followers of Indic religions as it does for Abrahamic religions

During 75th Session of the UNGA, India exercised its 'Right of Reply' and spoke on the selectivity of the UN resolutions passed last month.

Kerala: Enforcement Directorate raids residence of PFI leaders in Thiruvananthapuram and 4 other places

The PFI is under scanner for its alleged involvement in anti-Hindu Delhi Riots earlier this year

Bengaluru riots: CCB officials nab another absconding Congress leader Rakib Zakir

Zakir is the second corporator to get arrested in the Bengaluru riots case. Earlier, the CCB officials had arrested Congress leader and former mayor R Sampath Raj.

Connect with us

245,563FansLike
492,457FollowersFollow
20,300SubscribersSubscribe