In his much talked about blog for Times of India, Chetan Bhagat described “Bhakts” in his own inimitable nonsensical way. He also listed a few trademark characteristics of Bhakt, which as we will see, probably suit him just about right. So was it an autobiographical post?
1. “First, they are almost all male”
2. “Second, they have weak communication skills, particularly in English”
We really don’t need to discuss at length here. It has been debated far too often. Further, when your book itself is titled “Half Girlfriend”, we can judge your prowess in English. Hilariously enough, Bhagat himself got schooled, when he was trying to be smart about an alleged typo, in an article which was attacking his English. Also, Chetan Bhagat used to think English has become a “caste system” just until a year ago. Of course that time his book Half Girlfriend was about to release so we can forgive the hypocrisy. Paapi Pet and all…
3. “Third, they are generally not good at talking to women”…..”They do desire women, but can’t get them. In other words, if i may say so, they are sexually frustrated with no way of getting it.”
What? Happily married Chetan Bhagat is sexually frustrated? You be the judge, from being happy at seeing girls who rejected him become fat & ugly, to asking for spots to lech at girls, Chetan Bhagat has done it all.
4. “Fourth, there is an over-riding sense of shame about being Hindu, Hindi speaking and/ or Indian. Deep down they know that Hindi-speaking Hindus are among India’s poorest.”
This is a trait most evident in Chetan Bhagat. All his life he was lampooned by people for his poor English. That is why he always took a stand that knowing English is not essential:
This was till 2014, but now he might have felt the need to emancipate himself from being branded a trashy author. His insecurities probably led him to try and his force his way in, into the exclusive clique of Lutyens based Adarsh Liberal columnists, “the Wannabe white, haters of India’s mainstream religion, languages & culture with an entitlement complex for speaking good English”:
Hence, he tried to position himself as a writer who has pitch-perfect grammar, and like all Adarsh Liberals, treats Indians who aren’t fluent in a colonial language with disdain. Hence, ending his diatribe on Bhakts with a curt advise:
“Smarten up, learn English and practise it”
He also makes additional points that thanks to all of the above, and “Since social media allows anonymity, their anger expresses itself as the worst personal abuse“. Abuse, like this?
Alok Nath aka Babuji, faced lot of criticism from many media outlets for his use of the word “Bitch”. But we are sure Chetan Bhagat will be spared such trial by social media because he has just put his hat in the ring for being the next Shobha De.
In fact all four features needed to be a Bhakt are clearly visible in this one epic tweet from Chetan Bhagat:
So was Chetan Bhagat indulging in self-flagellation when writing this absurd blog? Or was he being serious? Or was he being sarcastic? Yes sarcastic, because Chetan Bhagat himself said so:
@quizderek thank you dear! u r one of those who will get the sarcasm!
— Chetan Bhagat (@chetan_bhagat) July 11, 2015
To readers: Retweet deti hai to de, warna kat le