Inspired by Coach Ron Flower’s famous motivational speech for Leland Chargers called ‘Who am I? I am a Champion!’, Leftist professors at JNU, DU and Jadavpur University decide to indoctrinate teach young gullible passionate students the true meaning of revolution, dissent, rebellion, uprising and social justice. (Watch the video before proceeding with the speech) Following is the leftists version:
I am a strong proponent of freedom of expression, but only till the time you agree with my views. Otherwise, you have no right to your views and deserve to be killed. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I will change the rules of engagement in a debate as per my convenience. If countered with logic and facts, I will shift the goalposts and indulge in whataboutery. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I will use a variety of victim cards that I have at my disposal, like feminist and caste cards if I find myself on the losing side of an argument. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I support actors and sportspersons when they speak in my favour, but waste no time and mince no words in demonizing them when they don’t toe my line. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I care for issues such as poverty, illiteracy and inequality but reek of elitism by dismissing award winning sportspersons as ‘hardly literate’, indicating their views don’t hold any weight if devoid of formal education. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I sip piping hot Sulaimani Chai from the relative comforts of Prithvi Café listening to Ghazals and feature in ads for a joint pain relief oil, while the ones who I have ridiculed have actually sprained their knees numerous times to get laurels for India. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I will revere you only if you align to my ideology, else you will be dismissed as a troll, misogynist or racist. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I will place trained students with the perfect background to gain immunity from any harsh criticism, masquerading as independent voices to further my agenda and will cry foul and play victim when I get a fitting rejoinder to my stand. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I will abuse the Army for 364 days of the year but will have newfound love for the Army men when I want to shoot from their shoulders to attack the government. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I will brainwash students and others outside my bastions of a handful of universities by giving them a one sided view of Kashmir and Bastar and paint a picture of India burning through the many news portals posing as neutral organizations. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I will protest against people speaking about Balochistan in India as it may incite violence but Kashmir ki azaadi is perfectly fine. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I will impose radical feminist thoughts in the minds of young girls to the point of misandry and which lead them to label biology and science itself as patriarchal. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I will use the innate hotblooded nature of the youth in colleges and make them believe as if they are fighting for a righteous cause in this dystopian world, whereas in reality they are nothing but rebels without a cause. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I will subtly further my propaganda of brainwashing young gullible minds by making terms like ‘Patriotism’, ‘Nationalism’ and ‘Deshbhakti’ uncool among the youth by deliberately misusing it and making fun of it. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I am fully aware of the complete failure of my ideology across the globe but want it to remain relevant and creating such gimmicks is the only way to stay in the limelight. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I will chant ‘Kashmir ki azaadi’ slogans but when confronted, lie that I was merely asking for azaadi from poverty and inequality. I think the people of this country are fools to believe me. Even if I actually raise slogans against poverty, I believe empty sloganeering in campuses will help me eradicate poverty. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.
I believe holding placards and posing on Facebook will bring about a change in the society and create revolutionaries like Marx, Che and Mao.
WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST. WHO AM I? I AM A LEFTIST.