Friday, August 7, 2020
Home Variety Satire Pearls of wisdom by Shekhar Gupta's The Print: After the 'biscuit crisis', prepare yourself...

Pearls of wisdom by Shekhar Gupta’s The Print: After the ‘biscuit crisis’, prepare yourself for the great Indian ‘chaddi crisis’

Do people usually go "Yay, I got a Diwali bonus, let me buy 2 dozen chaddis first!" Do they exclaim, "Damn man, that phone was expensive, I will not wear chaddis under my pants for the whole year to save money."

The media had recently outraged rather loudly claiming that the sale of Parle-G biscuits has gone down because of demonetisation and GST. A lot many things are blamed on demonetisation and GST. Media has been sounding a lot like local fortune-tellers who keep predicting doom and gloom every week. The massive ‘economic slowdown’ that is supposed to make Indians poor and dejected somehow never manages to stop people from spending like crazy on festival sales.

Now, after the imaginary biscuit crisis, the media has found another crisis. It is called the great Indian underwear crisis. Indians, according to Shekhar Gupta led The Print, have become so, so poor that they have stopped buying chaddis and banians.

Via Twitter

The said article in The Print claims that Indians have become so poor that they are not buying underwear anymore. As a result, underwear store owners have become so poor after demonetisation and GST that they are unable to make payments.

The article even cites the MDs of Rupa, Lux and Dollar brands to claim that sales have come down. In the body, it is cleverly mentioned that while sales are still showing growth, they are just not as high as expected.

The article itself is terribly confusing. At one point it says the sales of innerwear has come down. But it quotes KB Agarwal later, who says that the festive season sales saw ‘only 10% growth, compared to the usual 20% growth’.

Even the major retailers cited in the article are said to have seen the growth of 2-7%, as opposed to 3-9% that they apparently saw earlier.

While the data and the sale of individual brands need further analysis, we were perplexed at the idea of common Indians withholding the purchase of vests and knickers for financial worries.

Who do we blame the slow sale of Lux Cozy on? Middle-class men, who keep wearing the same pair of underwear for years? Do people buy bras, panties, vests and chaddis for the entire family in bulk when they shop for Diwali or when they get a pay raise? Do people stop wearing underwear when the growth is 5% and start wearing than when it reaches 7%? When an article says that the growth has reached 9%, are their riots everywhere with men falling over each other to buy underwear that they have denied themselves when the growth rate of the economy was lesser?

The hero of 70s and 80s movies always, always bought shawls for his Maa and Babuji when he got a ‘Naukri’. Will millennials kids order Jockey and Lux Cozy combo packs for their parents when they get jobs now?

We are so perplexed that we are unable to fathom how exactly the sale or purchase of underwear depends upon the ‘state of the economy’. Do people usually go “Yay, I got Diwali bonus, let me buy 2 dozen chaddis first!” Do they exclaim, “Damn, that phone was expensive, I will not wear chaddis under my pants for the whole year to save money.”

Read: Despite job loss rumours, Parle’s net profit rises 15.2% to Rs 410 crores in FY19: Report

We are also thinking of some probable reasons why people have apparently stopped buying underwear, as claimed in the Print’s article. When automobile sales go down, will people be saving more for bras and chaddis? Is the advent of smartphones making the populace so obsessed with expensive phones that they are ignoring wearing underwear to fund their phone purchases? Remember the huge, huge traffic jam when Ikea opened its store in Hyderabad? Just imagine how many of those people would have gone ‘bra-less’ or ‘Chaddi-less’ for days, even months.

Amazon and Flipkart had recently reported that they sold 19,000 crores worth of products in just 6 days during the Dussehra sale. They also said they are expecting sales worth 39,000 crores in October alone. Maybe Amazon and Flipkart are secretly encouraging customers to stop wearing underwear and divert their annual underwear budget into buying TVs and speakers.

When Amazon and Flipkart launch those incessant ads before each festival sale, have you ever seen them promoting underwear? No. They just promote TVs, phones, clothes, and shoes. It is probably a big corporate conspiracy by Modi government and crony capitalists to make Indians shun underwear and buy TVs and fridges only.

Read: Amazon, Flipkart festival sales generate Rs 19,000 crores In 6 days, expected to touch Rs 39,000 crore in October alone

Applying The Print’s logic, the richest Indians will be the ones who own the maximum underwear. There lies another answer to the ‘job crisis’. Unemployed youth in hostels are often known to share each other’s undergarments. Sad state of affairs. Maybe that is the reason middle-class families never truly discard their old and torn underwear, they just turn them into ‘pochhas’, to clean scooters, floor and furniture.

As we reel under the imaginary underwear crisis, please encourage your neighbourhood people to keep buying underwear. ‘Liberals’ should also launch hashtags and placard campaigns for the chaddi banian industry.

  Support Us  

Whether NDTV or 'The Wire', they never have to worry about funds. In name of saving democracy, they get money from various sources. We need your support to fight them. Please contribute whatever you can afford

reader, writer, dreamer, no one

Related Articles

Trending now

“Ghus ke maro salo ko”: Muslims clashed with Hindus objecting to Ram Pujas on 5th August in West Bengal

Muslims came out in large numbers in Kolkata to prevent Hindus from celebrating the Ram Mandir Bhoomi Pujan on 5th August

Child abuse? Netizens react as co-founder of AltNews shares the photo of an underage girl to intimidate the grandfather

Responding to a tweet by a Twitter user, Md Zubair chose to target the young girl seen in the profile image of the user instead of replying

‘Kashi Mathura Baki Hai’: Krishna Janmabhoomi Nirman Nyas set up in Mathura, 80 sadhus from 14 states named as members

The original Keshavnath Temple was destroyed by Aurangzeb and the Shahi Idgah Mosque was built on its plinth.

Senior lawyer K Parasaran who fought Ram Mandir case is not on Twitter, colleagues clarify after fake account gets followers

One of those heroes who rose to the challenge and was instrumental in the reclamation of Ram Janmabhoomi is 93-year-old K Parasaran, who successfully led the legal fight of Hindus

Palghar case: Maharashtra govt to file status report, SC asks for inquiry report against cops who handed over Sadhus to mob

SC asked the Maharashtra govt to file a status report in connection with the brutal lynching of two Hindu sadhus and their driver in Palghar on April 16.

Muslims chose to stay back in India: An analysis of the mythical, unsubstantiated trope that is used to make Hindus feel guilty

Muslims who stayed back in India after the partition, did not primarily do so out of their innate love for mother India

Recently Popular

Twitter user arrested by Maharashtra police for criticising the Uddhav Thackeray govt on social media

Mumbai Police arrested Twitter user Sunaina Holey for posting against Maharashtra CM and his son, to be presented in court today

Here is why #BabyPenguin is trending on Twitter, and why Aaditya Thackeray is called so by some

Yuva Sena registered complaint against twitter user for calling Aaditya Thackeray "Baby Penguin" and Uddhav Thackeray "Aurangzeb"

While most Bollywood actors and cricketers chose not to welcome Ram Mandir, here are the ones who did not shy away

Only a few actors and sportspersons celebrated Ram Mandir Bhoomi Pujan and shared wishes on social media.

Muslims chose to stay back in India: An analysis of the mythical, unsubstantiated trope that is used to make Hindus feel guilty

Muslims who stayed back in India after the partition, did not primarily do so out of their innate love for mother India

Pakistan borrows $1 Billion from its all-weather ally China to repay $1 Billion Saudi Arabia loan to avoid default on international debt obligations

China tightens its grip over Pakistan, gives $1 billion loan to repay Saudi Arabia's $1 billion loan, grants 90% of $6.8 billion railway project

TV actor Sameer Sharma found hanging from the kitchen ceiling, case of accidental death registered

After body of Sameer Sharma was recovered from his house, a case of accidental death has been registered by the Malad police

Modi govt abolishes textile board with ‘activists’ and ‘experts’ pontificating, to get work done through institutes like NIFT instead

The Handloom Board was an ornamental board that had activist and experts who essentially pontificated without doing any real ground work

Bollywood: Rapper Badshah questioned by Mumbai police crime branch over fake follower scam

As per reports, there are over 170 high-profile stars who have allegedly paid to gain fake followers on social media.

Centre defends media’s right to report Tablighi Jamaat case in SC, says Jamiat petition demanding gag order based on non-accredit fact-check portals

Islamists and their sympathisers had collectively rushed to shield the Tablighi Jamaat super spreaders of Coronavirus

The Wire claims ‘activist’ Rehana Fathima should be celebrated and not punished for posting video of her children painting on her nude body

The Wire in an article claimed that the perverse actions of Rehana Fathima ought to be celebrated and not punished.

Uttar Pradesh: FIR filed against miscreants from a ‘particular community’ for attacking Hindus celebrating Ram Mandir Bhoomi Pujan in Sultanpur

People from 'particular community' attack Hindus celebrating Ram Mandir Bhoomi Pukam in Uttar Pradesh's Sultanpur

Uttar Pradesh: Three linked to radical Islamist outfits PFI and SDPI arrested for sharing communal posts on Ram Mandir Bhoomi Pujan day

Dr Aleem, Kamruddin and Sahibe Alam were reportedly caught posting hateful and communally charged posts on Twitter.

‘Blatant Hindu-tilt’: Islamic seminary Jamia Nizamia says Kamal Nath and Congress have betrayed Muslims by supporting Ram Mandir

Jamia Nizamia, one of the oldest Islamic seminaries in India, has advised fellow Muslims to stop trusting Kamal Nath and Congress

Dalit family in Uttar Pradesh became the first to receive Ram Mandir Bhoomi Pujan’s prasad, read why

While a Dalit was chosen for the first prasad, Iqbal Ansari was chosen as the first person to receive the Bhoomi Pujan invite

Kerala gold smuggling case: NIA informs court that prime accused Swapna Suresh had close links with CM Pinarayi Vijayan’s office

The high-profile Kerala gold smuggling case has wreaked havoc on the incumbent Kerala State government

Kolkata Police files case of stalking and insulting modesty of woman in connection to trolling and harassment of Bengali women online

Kolkata Police is probing multiple complaints of harassment and trolling against Bengali women on social media platforms.

Connect with us