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Home Variety Satire All-rounder Expert Dhruv Rathee enters Guinness Book of World Records after solving Israel-Palestine crisis...

All-rounder Expert Dhruv Rathee enters Guinness Book of World Records after solving Israel-Palestine crisis in under 14 minutes

Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu collapsed on to the ground after hearing the solution offered by Dhruv Rathee, the expert.

Dhruv Rathee has entered the Guinness Book of World Records after solving the Israel-Palestine crisis in 13 minutes 35 seconds. That is the length of the YouTube video through which he achieved the feat hitherto considered impossible by the greatest luminaries of the world.

The YouTube Jack of All Trades achieved the milestone by using the ‘Politics of Love’ strategy as first suggested by former Congress president Rahul Gandhi. The one-single state, as suggested by Dhruv Rathee, will be called ‘Isratine’.

Dhruv Rathee has a revelation

Experts have opined that the three ‘heart’ emojis were crucial towards ensuring peace in the region as it helped Hamas and the Israel Defense Forces finally see the light. It was also concluded that there was divine sanction in favour of Rathee’s plan as ‘heart’ emojis began to rain in the Holy City of Jerusalem right after the plan was made public.

Israel’s Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu collapsed on to the ground after hearing the news. Doctors have suggested that he was required to be hospitalised due to experiencing a physical drop in his IQ after watching Rathee’s video. His health is now believed to be stable.

Hamas was greatly pleased with the outbreak of peace in the region and celebrated the development by firing a few more rockets into Israel from Gaza. Joe Biden congratulated Rathee during a press conference but cursed in private. Peace in the Middle East is not considered good news by warmongers in the United States.

Dhruv Rathee, who also doubles up as foreign policy expert, medical science expert, economy expert, legal expert, human rights expert, agriculture expert, environment expert, religion expert, technology expert, history expert, geography expert amongst way many things, is expected to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for his contribution but instead, he has been awarded the title of ‘Ayatollah Dhruv Rathee Yahoodi Maulana Cardinal Insan’. Numerous people are now coming forward to claim credit for his achievement.

Horlicks has released a new advertisement claiming that it was the health drink that made Rathee ‘taller, stronger and sharper’. Rathee also features in Aam Aadmi Party banners and posters, where he is referred to as a dedicated pupil of Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal, the original expert in all things humanly possible.

It was also a proud moment for Arvind Kejriwal personally, as the pupil has finally surpassed his guru. Randeep Surjewala, however, is not a happy man. According to Surjewala, the ‘politics of love’ strategy was first suggested by Rahul Gandhi and ideally, credit should go to him.

Another individual who is not happy is Jose Mourinho. He is afraid he will no longer be considered the ‘Special One’ after this. Some have objected to the name ‘Isratine’ as well. They say it reminds them of Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars.

Meanwhile, Turkey’s Erdogan does not believe Isratine will work. Critics say it is mainly because he did not come up with the idea himself. The New York Times, however, believes it is a conspiracy by Narendra Modi to deflect attention from the Covid-19 crisis in India. Speaking of COVID crisis in India, actor Sonu Sood, too, has taken it upon himself to dislodge Rathee from the coveted title, and become the next Ayotallah Sonu Sood Yahoodi Maulana Cardinal Insan alias Messiah.

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K Bhattacharjee
Black Coffee Enthusiast. Post Graduate in Psychology. Bengali.

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