The Indian media ‘Fauxars’ – Awards recognising Faux news

As the Oscars wrap up, we decided to have our own Awards ceremony to reward path-breaking lows in journalism in the last year. Here are the illustrious winners:

1. Award for Best Script

It was a tough call, but after deep introspection, the jury decided to award the narrative of “Christians Under Attack” in Modi’s India. It takes great imagination to take a handful of incidents and weave a story around the same. This gets even harder when you realise that most of the incidents did not even fit in the narrative. It is a testament of Indian media’s indomitable spirit that they did not let such small issues as facts get in their way. The meat ban narrative came in a close second.

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2. Award for Best Original Screenplay

Although “Christians Under Attack” too had a solid screenplay, as in, it played out just before the Delhi elections, the “Award Wapsi” screenplay was much tighter. The sheer intricacy of the operation in synchronising so many actors who normally do not act, the flow of the narrative and how it climaxed just in time for Bihar elections and then disappeared without a trace, these were the things which weighed heavily in the minds of the jury while awarding this.

3. Award for Best Editing

No competition here, NDTV’s Sreenivasan Jain wins this hands down, for his stellar editing in Baba Ramdev’s interview where he chose to show 2 different question and answers together to create something when nothing was there.

4. Award for Best Costume

This award is being shared by many in the media fraternity. Rana Ayyub and Sagarika Ghose share this award for designing Modi’s non-existent Louis Vuitton Shawl. It was actually a plain shawl from Vimal, but thanks to the dedication and fabrication of Ayyub and Ghose, it became a Louis Vuitton shawl, which even the brand denied to have ever made. Honourable mention to the media persons who made Modi’s suit worth Rs 10 lakh, although Rahul Gandhi has been increasing the cost of this suit in every speech.

5. Award for Best Dialogues

Writing the words which other people say is always hard. This becomes even harder when the other people haven’t even said those words. Further, this is indeed a challenge when you are writing dialogues for a former dialogue writer himself. Hence, this award goes to Rajdeep Sardesai, for claiming that Salim Khan had said some dialogues which he had actually never said:

16. Award for Best Make Up

This award is not like the traditional “Make-Up”award. This is given to the journalist/media person who “makes up” the best story out of nowhere. This award goes to PTI for “making up” the news story that Sadhvi Prachi is a BJP MP. Sadhvi has never been elected to any post via a BJP ticket, but this didn’t stop PTI from declaring her a BJP MP. What makes this feat eve more special is the fact that this story has stuck, with media houses even now, calling her a BJP MP, inspite of numerous corrections.

7. Award for Best Special Effects

This award goes to ABP News, for showing us a picture of Vasundhara Raje and  Kiran Mazumdar Shaw from an awkward angle and then claiming that this was a lip-lock.

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8. Award for Best Comedy

Comedies which are written with the intention to make one laugh are good. But the best comedies are those which make you laugh unintentionally. The award this year, goes to one such comedy written by ace writer Rana Ayyub: That RSS chief Mohan Bhagwat was behind the rape of Nun in West Bengal. It was later conclusively proven that the rapists were some Bangladeshis, and this makes it a fabulous comedy of how a journalist sitting miles away can crack a case much before the cops.

9. Award for Best Action

Some have tried, some have given up, but none can come close to the sheer number of edge of the seat thrills this man produces. Arnab Goswami is the winner of the Best Action award, for constantly giving us thrilling sequences where tempers fly, voices soar, noise ensues and some-one gets beaten up real bad.

10. Award for Best Foreign Media

Just like Movie awards have a category called “Best Foreign Feature Film”, we have an award for the best Foreign Media. We didn’t have to look far. Although it is called the “Indian” Express, it has proved many times its thoughts are far from Indians. This was best expressed when they ran a headline called “And They Hanged Him” when Yakub Memon was hanged. The clear indication that The Indian Express considers India to be “They” showed that the media house was in fact not Indian.

11. Award for Best Actor

Undoubtedly, India’s best actor from the media has been Rajdeep Sardesai. He has acted as if he cares for the facts and truth, as if he cares for India, as if he cared for the murder of Prashanth Poojary, and also as if he is neutral. 1 man playing so many roles is indeed a tough task. He even acted as if he was conducting a tough interview of Arvind Kejriwal, when behind the scenes, his bonhomie with Kejriwal was plain to see:

12. Award for Best Actress

No competition here too. They say pictures speak a thousand words, and the following picture will clearly show, why Barkha Dutt deserves the award for Best Actress, for her heart-moving, stomach-churning performance here:

Nine out of Ten people failed to identify who is mourning and who is the TV journalist in this picture

13. Award for Best Production

This award in ordinarily given to the financier, the person or group which backs a media house so that they can redefine the lows of journalism in today’s scenario. But when we tried to trace down the main financial backer of most media houses, we were led to a non-media person. Hence, this award has been given to Delhi CM Arvind Kejriwal, for backing media houses across the country, even though he is only the Delhi CM. Kejriwal first increased the Delhi advertisement budget from a mere Rs 33 crores to a whopping Rs 526 crores. Secondly, he acted in a very unselfish manner in splurging this money across TV channels and Newspapers, not only in Delhi, but all across India. We have been told that this year if his ads spread to International Media, he may have chance to win an Oscar.

14. Award for Best Direction

This award is reserved for the head-honcho, the man behind all the successful stories of the year. And this award goes to Dr Prannoy Roy. A stalwart in his field, he has taken NDTV in a direction where it is now going towards the bottom of the TRP ladder. Not only this, he has been the guiding force behind all of NDTV’s allegedly snoopy dealings and fake stories.

P.S. We have been informed that a fair number of the awardees have already returned their awards.

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