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HomeVarietySatireArvind Kejriwal explains why Delhi is best suited for FTII

Arvind Kejriwal explains why Delhi is best suited for FTII

After Arvind Kejriwal’s open offer to relocate FTII to Delhi, we caught up with him to learn more about this proposal. Sir, how did this idea come to you?

Kejriwal: Isse sab ka bhala hoga. Aap tokiyega mat. Main ek film premi hoon. Aapne mere movie reviews to dekhe honge twitter pe. Plus, mein ek protestor bhi hoon. Humne bhaut saare dharne kiye hain. Jaise unhone apne Director ko room ke andar lock kar waya, main bhi Modi ke agent officers ko office ke bahar lock kar deta hoon. Isliye main inka dard samajh sakta hoon. But that is only about you, what does AAP have do with films?

Kejriwal: Aap ne dekha nahi? Humaare har election mein kitne Bollywood ke log humein direct aur indirect support dete hain? Vishal Dadlani ko dekh lijiye, full time AAP mein hi hain. Shruti Seth ko dekh lijiye, officially AAP mein nahi hain par woh humari virtual pravakta hain. Aise aur kitne saare Bollywood ke celebs hain jo humein hamesha indirect support dete hain but openly “neutral” bane ghoomte hain. How will it be good for Delhi and FTII?

Kejriwal: Hum FTII ko Dilli main pura support denge. Aap tokiyega mat. Har tarah ki equipment denge. Isse sab ka bhala hoga. Woh film ke techniques seekhenge, humaare volunteers bhi drama karne mein aur mahir ho jaayenge. But how will Delhi Government fund all this?

Kejriwal: Aap ko to malum hai, Dilli ka Ad budget 500 crore ke upar hai. Yeh paisa kahin to kharch karna padega na? FTII ko de denge. Aap tokiyega mat. Unko film banani hai, humein ads banani hai. Dono saath saath chalega. Aap tokiyega mat. Unki jo film hogi wohi hamari ad hogi. Isse sab ka vikaas hoga. Woh bhi film banana seekh paayenge, humari ads bhi behtar quality ki banengi. Aap ne dekha hoga humari picchli ad kaafi ghatiya thi.

Yahi nahi, par hum unhe protest kaise karte hain yeh bhi sikhayenge. Aap tokiyega mat. Actually mera maan na hai, kuch FTII students mujhse bhi senior honge, to protest ke baare mein kuch cheezein woh humko sikhayenge, kuch cheezein hum unko sikhaayenge. Dono saath saath hoga. But sir it has been reported that the FTII students consume drugs and alcohol on campus. How will you combat this?

Kejriwal: Dekhiye, mujhe kuch officers ne bataya hai private mein, ki yeh Modiji ki chaal hai. Woh FTII students ko muft mein drugs baant rahe hain taaki woh films banana band kar dein aur main films dekhna aur review karna chhod doon. Aap tokiyega mat. Yeh baat hum dilli ki janta ko bhi batane wale hain. Humara agla poster dekhiye:

Untitled But the main issue is how will you curb the illegal use of drugs?

Kejriwal: Yeh kaam bhi ho jaayega. Maine pehle hi kaha tha, sab ka bhala hoga. Hamare Somnath Bharti ji bahut dinon se khali baithe hain. Aap tokiyega mat. Ek do midnight raids kar denge to sab theek ho jaayega. But sir Somnath Bharti has no power to do so….

Kejriwal: Aage ka interview aap mere sahyogi se kijiye, mujhe movie dekhne jaana hai, KRK se pehle review daalna hai, janta intezaar kar rahi hogi.

(Ankit Lol enters)

Ankit Lol: See FTII has one more use for Delhi and AAP which His Highness forgot to mention. We have become experts at photoshopping images, but audio and video photoshop is something we are not good at. Audio and video editing will be taught to all Delhi citizens free of cost under a program called “Photoshop for Aam Aadmi People (PAAP)”. With this we will be able to edit audio and video also, thus next time any sting tape comes out of His Highness or Alka Lamba, we will edit it and show Lokpal approved version to Delhi people.On an unrelated note, please come next week to Janta Mantar where we will be releasing sting tape on Modi where he is seen discussing with World leaders how to destroy His Highness Kejriwal. Ok Interview khatam. Also on another unrelated note, please sign this petition to make His Highness the next FTII chairman.

(We also asked Prime Minister Modi for his views on this step by Kejriwal. Unfortunately he did not answer our question and his secretary told us he will reply either via a speech in a Bihar election rally or while addressing NRIs in the next country he visits.)

Ayodhra Ram Mandir special coverage by OpIndia

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