In a major boost ahead of general elections, Congress President and next Prime Minister hopeful Rahul Gandhi has won the prestigious and inaugural Dr. Chaddha Presidential Award for being a momentously lucky sperm.
Dr. Chaddha Presidential Award has been inaugurated to honour the achievements of Doctor Baldev Chaddha, whose mission in life was to help India become the biggest producers of high-quality sperms. A Bollywood movie titled Vicky Donor was earlier made to honour the doctor.
Although Dr. Chaddha has worked all his life to identify people who could produce high-quality sperm, this is the first time a sperm – the product – has been identified by him and not the producer.
“A producer is nothing without his product,” Dr Chaddha explained why he agreed to endorse the idea of this award, “If you want farmers of your country to be happy, you’ve to make sure his produce, that is, vegetables and others products are taken care of. Similarly, we need to take care of sperms if we want sperm producers to be happy.”
The award, in coming years, will be given in various categories – strongest sperm, smartest sperm, fearless sperm, and even awards liked the laziest sperm. The first category was chosen for lucky sperm and Rahul Gandhi was found to be the luckiest sperm.
“Bilawal Bhutto and Sagarika Ghose came close to final shortlist but failed to beat Rahul Gandhi,” a panel member informed, further revealing that this was an international award.
The award was received by Kapil Sibal on Rahul Gandhi’s behalf in a function organised at The Wire’s office. Rahul Gandhi couldn’t be present in person to receive the award as he was busy in a meeting with his media advisor Pidi.
“Every sperm is lucky by definition as it is one among millions to become an embryo, but Shri Rahul Gandhi is the luckiest. Human civilization has not witnessed anything luckier earlier and India should be proud to have this lucky sperm.” the citation on the award reads.
As soon as the award was received, celebrations broke out in the entire country including at the premises where the award was presented i.e. office of neutral news website The Wire. An employee named Raghu Karnad of The Wire was seen in thick tears.
“These are sperms of happiness,” Raghu said as he wiped his tears.
Congress has decided to celebrate coming 19 June as World Sperm Day. Rahul Gandhi is supposed to be the Prime Minister of the country on 19 June 2019, and he is expected to approve celebration of a day in his honour despite not being comfortable with such show of sycophancy.
“Unlike Narendra Modi, Rahul Gandhi is very humble. Just like Nehru ji was not comfortable but still allowed his birthday to be celebrated as Children’s Day, Rahul Gandhi is will do the same, my sources say,” neutral commentator Abhisar Sharma said, who further hoped that Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi will award Bharat Ratna to himself and Padma Shri to him.