Eeny Meeny Mynie Moh: Polling Blues

“Who will you vote for?” asked Moh diffidently, for she knew the responses she would get.

“Who will you vote for?” asked Moh diffidently, for she knew the responses she would get.

“Ugh!” said Eeny with disgust, as if someone had recommended her Patanjali instead of Pepsodent. “Who goes to vote?”

“I heard there is no AC in those trolling booths,” added Meeny with a concern.

- Advertisement - - Article resumes -

“Polling booths,” corrected Moh, and was promptly ignored by the others.

Mynie just shuddered at the thought.

“I meant,” lied Moh, “that if you were to hypothetically vote for someone, who would that be?”

Eeny thought about this, and said more to herself, “I love those dimpled cheeks.”

“Me too,” said Meeny with a dreamy smile.

“I adore his dimples too,” said Mynie with her characteristic bubbliness. “He was bloody brilliant in Chak De! After that…”

They all laughed and ordered another round of drinks.

“How about Modi?” asked Moh, with even more diffidence than when she had asked the first question.

Three glasses of wine met the ground with an acceleration of 9.8 m/s2and the spilt contents looked like blood on the splattered shards. Three pairs of baleful eyes stared at Moh. She was, however, made of sterner stuff than the broken glass.

“How about Modi?” she repeated, but this time with an air of defiance.

“Moh!” shouted Eeny, “How can you be so stupid? Modi is a murderer.”

“Hitler,” said Meeny, taking the tally to four cents. Nowadays Godwin’s law acted faster than Murphy’s.

“Scamster,” added Mynie, making all of six cents.

“Really?” countered Moh. “What murder and what scam are you talking about? Where did you get all these brilliant insights on Modi? On WhatsApp?”

“It’s everywhere, Moh,” shouted Eeny, evidently disappointed by the ignorance of her friend. “Just open your fucking eyes and ears!”

“Are you a secret Modi admirer?” asked Meeny with menace in her voice.

“Are you a secret Modi admirer?” repeated Eeny, with the same menace indicating that the quartet can become a trio in a jiffy.

“All I am asking,” said Moh, reading the menace correctly and accordingly shifting the goalpost, “is who the alternative is. Rahul has nothing going for him, and as for the rest, where are they?”

“Dollar is at like, you know, a 100,” said Eeny, ever the expert on the foreign exchange since her cousins were in the US, and adding two more cents.

“Petrol is at 100 too,” said Meeny, who had never stepped inside a petrol bunk but obviously did not want to miss an opportunity of adding two more cents.

“Oh, is it?” asked Moh, and added in a voice dripping with sarcasm, “How about toor dal? Is it at 200?”

“Ugh! Toor dal? Who eats that shit?” said Mynie with disgust, and used the pause to order herself a cheeseburger.

“What does it matter to you about petrol?” asked Moh generally to the group.

“We can’t be all selfish, Moh,” said Eeny pointedly. “We have to consider the uh…welfare of the uh…poor people too.”

Meeny, touched by this evident moral compassery, did a mock applause to praise her.

“Oh, I agree with you there,” said Moh and added, “and from what I understand, you are saying that this rules Modi out?”

“Of course! He works only for a few rich businessmen while Rahul works for the poor,” said Eeny, whose own father had built his business empire by being close to…well, let us leave it at the ellipsis.

Moh shook her head and poured herself some more wine.

“Rahul is one big comedy and so are you guys to believe him and whatever nonsense he blabbers,” she quipped.

Mynie, who came out of her silence on hearing the words ‘comedy’, ‘nonsense’, and ‘blabber’, commented, “Did you watch the latest stand-up comedy video, fellas? It’s fucking hilarious!”

Eeny picked up her iPhone to check it out and her eyes stumbled upon some comments on the stand-up comedian.

She gave it to Meeny, who gave it to Mynie, who gave it to Moh.

“It’s horrible,” said Moh with a shudder. “What a low-life creep!”

The rest just stared at each other, confused.

After a minute of silence, Meeny said, as if explaining what she had just seen, “He has had a horrible childhood.”

“Really?” shouted Moh.

“Yes,” nodded Meeny, without understanding the tone behind Moh’s outburst.

“The worst part is that these uh…right wing trolls have only made it worse for him,” said Eeny.

“Really?!” shouted Moh again.

“Yes,” said Eeny with a shrug. “They pushed him to a point where he could not uh…evolve. He did not know what he was doing.”

“Really?!!” shouted Moh for the third time. “Do you even know what you are talking about? You are literally supporting the creep – do you know that?”

“He has explained it himself, Moh,” said Meeny, indicating that that was sufficient for her to believe him.

“No need to be all sanskari on us,” said Eeny. “By the way, even yoursanskariBabujiis involved.”

Moh tried ignoring the jibe, but she couldn’t – she certainly couldn’t miss the sting of your in Eeny’s comment. It was them versus her now. For a hard minute, she asked herself what she was doing there.

She looked at them. They had always been good to her, and she loved them all even now.

“He is still a funny stand-up though,” said one and sighed.

She stood up, this time for herself, looked at them one last time, and without saying anything, left the place.


Share This Post and Support:
We need your support to survive in the media industry. Please consider paying us for the content we produce:

To know more about these payments, please click here.


Most read articles recently

Image Source: The Week

Mandya: Actor-turned-politician Prakash Raj attends funeral of Pulwama martyr, villagers expose his hypocrisy towards Armed Forces

Prakash Raj, a left wing ideologue, who is often known for joining hands with the left-liberals to express their hate towards Hindus and the BJP, has plans to contest in the upcoming elections from Bengaluru Central Lok Sabha constituency.

Pakistan quotes The Quint, Karan Thapar and Praveen Swami to brand Kulbhushan Jadhav as a ‘RAW spy’ at ICJ

Pakistan quoted several articles published in Indian to present its case during Kulbhushan Jadhav hearing at the International Court of Justice
How Ravish Kumar and Vinod Dua misled people about ‘martyr status’ to CRPF jawans after Pulwama attack

How Ravish Kumar and Vinod Dua misled people about ‘martyr status’ to CRPF jawans

Ravish Kumar of NDTV is a man known for many lows. But this may well be his lowest point.
Amar Singh donates property worth Rs 15 crore to RSS-affiliated Seva Bharti.

Amar Singh donates ancestral properties worth 15 crores to RSS-affiliated organisation Seva Bharti

Amar Singh donated Rs 15 crore property to Seva Bharti, an RSS affiliated social service organisation.
Article 370

Article 370 must go: BJP can’t pussyfoot any longer

So what is this Article 370 which allows J&K to function much against the national (or for that matter, it’s own) interests?

Woman claims sexual harassment at NDTV, claims Barkha, Prannoy Roy never responded to her complains

She said she wrote multiple mails to Dutt and Prannoy Roy but her concerns were not addressed

The Hindu not only cropped the Rafale dissent note, but also had digitally manipulated it

Comparison of Hindu document with ANI document shows that Hindu had doctored the Rafale dissent note
NDTV's misleading headline

NDTV does what it does best: First spreads falsehood over Vande Bharat Express, now twists PM Modi’s statement

Congress President Rahul Gandhi had used the event of technical slag of Train-18 to target the NDA government and had mocked the Prime Minister Narendra Modi over reports of India’s fastest train, Vande Bharat Express suffering a breakdown.

Liberalism is a mental disorder: M.K Venu proves it in his latest article about Pulwama attack for The Wire

Leftist propaganda outlet recently published an article about Pulwama attack by 'Eminent Intellectual' M.K. Venu which defies common sense and basic knowledge.

Co-founder of self-proclaimed ‘fact-checking’ blog, AltNews, spreads another fake news by using ‘cropped video’

Co-founder of self-proclaimed fact-checking portal Alt News, that often indulges in co-ordinated attacks against social media users with the help of Islamists, has yet again spread fake news in an attempt to incite communal violence.

Latest articles

Connect with us

137,878FansLike
110,783FollowersFollow
23,286SubscribersSubscribe

Don't miss these