Since domain expertise is the in-thing these days, Ramachandra Guha has been appointed as one of the folks who will run BCCI.
Sources said that the panel that was looking into the appointment of people to run BCCI was not particularly keen on Guha’s appointment. However, the game-changer was when someone pointed them to Guha’s twitter bio which said “failed cricketer”.
The appointment panel was then convinced Guha was the most eligible man to run cricket in the true Nehruvian tradition of meritocracy and he must have first right on BCCI and its resources.
Given this development, right handers – both bowlers and batsmen in the Indian team and its fringes – are now practising batting and bowling left-handed to save their spots in the team. Someone tipped them off that a culling of the right-handed was coming up.
Ashish Nehra whose surname is one letter away from Nehru’s is said to be the happiest man with this development. “Along with my name being very close to Chacha ji’s, I’m a leftie. Also, on my day, I can win the match for either my team or the opposite team within minutes – this shows my bipartisan credentials. Mr Guha will love this. I’m in this team till eternity,” he was heard saying.
The team’s captain Virat Kohli, not exactly known for his tolerance towards opposing teams was seen rehearsing for an “Intolerance is rising in India” press conference to help him cement his secular credentials and his position as captain of the Indian cricket team.
Sources said, a senior journalist said to be close to Guha, called up Virat Kohli and suggested to him not to order his bowlers to bowl to the fields he sets as captain. Indian democracy and the right to dissent must also percolate into the Indian team, he was told.
The Indian cricket team, while on the field, cannot become an authoritarian fascist regime where the captain calls the shots, but it must be driven by democratic consensus where everybody conducted meetings, conferences and sports literature festivals to arrive at a decision of whether fine-leg should be up and whether we need a second slip, Virat Kohli was told.
R Ashwin who won a spate of Man Of The Series as well as ICC Awards in the last few months is said to be mulling over returning all his awards to the ICC protesting rising intolerance in India as well.
Some cricketers were mulling over an FTII-like agitation against the appointment of Guha and other unrelated people to run BCCI. However, someone pointed out to them that their situation was totally different. Gajendra Chauhan had at least faced the camera for years on the small screen while Guha had not played cricket successfully, by his own admission. Hence, the cricketers had no case while FTII had a very strong case.
“Look. If someone is involved in one field, then you can protest against his appointment somewhere saying he’s no good. But if you’re an expert in no domain at all, it gives you a clean slate to enter any domain without the baggage of expertise. So, there is no use protesting against Guha,” advised a senior cricketer in this potential rebel group and the rebellion crashed even before it took off.
A couple of young cricketers were seen trying to google the meaning and pronunciation of “tryst” since the word out on the field was that only an impassioned rendition of the famous “Tryst with destiny” speech of Nehru – The Almighty and Omniscient, would allow one through the selection barriers to the Indian cricket team.
Meanwhile, Mahendra Singh Dhoni, being the proactive cricketer that he is, apparently called Guha for some advice. “Sir. I’m not sure which batting combination is right. Is it Raina before Yuvraj or Raina after Yuvraj?”
“Mr Dhoni, are you trying to make fun of my iconic book titles? If you behave like a paid troll, I’ll get you fired!” shot back Guha.
While this was largely the situation in India, world over, other cricket teams were now quaking in their boots and telling their respective boards they wouldn’t travel to India any more. An unnamed international cricketer on condition of anonymity said, “First of all, Indian pitches are dust bowls. Now with the arrival Guha into cricket administration, their team’s spin department will become very dangerous. No point going there and losing with our inability to handle their outrageous spin.”
Meanwhile Chetan Chauhan is very happy. He just added “failed fashionista” in his CV to settle the debate once and for all over his appointment as Chairman of NIFT.