Friday, December 4, 2020
Home Variety Satire 'This is why aliens won't talk to us,' Elon Musk on Congress party's tweet...

‘This is why aliens won’t talk to us,’ Elon Musk on Congress party’s tweet that has left the world puzzled

Despite our best efforts, we were unable to find what Congress exactly meant when it said the BJP had supported Pakistan. Next, we intend to approach Tony Stark to help us with Time Travel so that we could go back in time and pose the question to some eminent personalities from the past.

The Congress party issued a statement on Twitter recently that could only be described as utterly bewildering. It claimed that the BJP had “gone on record to support Pakistan in its attempts to fuel divisive politics in India.”

We, at OpIndia.com, are not entirely sure what this tweet meant considering the fact that it was former Congress President and son of the current Congress President, Rahul Gandhi, whose words were quoted by Pakistan to further its agenda on Kashmir at the United Nations.

As far as we are aware, the BJP had only slammed the Congress party for indulging in irresponsible rhetoric that undermined Indian national interests. Apart from people associated with the BJP, ordinary people too were extremely perturbed by the Congress’ stance on the matter.

Unable to make much headway on the issue, OpIndia.com approached subject-matter experts to help us decipher the Congress party’s cryptic tweet. First on our list was ACP Pradyuman of the CID. After hearing us out, he said gravely, “Iska matlab samjhe, Daya? Dal me kuch kaala nahi, poori Dal hi kaali hai (Do you understand, Daya? It isn’t that there’s something black in the Dal, the whole Dal is black).” He wouldn’t say anything further.

We then approached noted intellectual Rarundhati Oy to help us understand Congress’ logic behind the tweet. She said, “It is an ugly manifestation of the toxic and fragile masculinity and the overarching heteronormativity of the Patriarchal Colonial Indian State that refuses to recognize the autonomy and the free expression of the intrinsically diverse populace of Kashmir and their sexuality that is demonstrated both in the BJP’s comments and the Congress’ response to it.” Noting that her explanation was even more confusing than the Congress party’s tweet, we realized we had to move on to greener pastures.

Unfortunately for us, Chacha Chaudhury’s brain, which is reputed to work faster than a Computer, suffered a system failure after the tweet was read out to him. Five minutes later, we were informed by NASA that a volcano had erupted in Jupiter. Thanos, on the other hand, threatened to wipe out half the planet after hearing the Congress party’s tweet. Harry Potter told us that he wished Voldemort had killed him.

Aliens from the Andromeda Galaxy were unavailable for comments. ET regretted ever coming to Earth after we approached them. Jadoo from Koi Mil Gaya told us that there wasn’t enough Dhoop (sunshine) in our solar system for him to be able to decipher the tweet. Founder of SpaceX and CEO of Tesla, Elon Musk, said, “This is why aliens won’t talk to us.” Joe Rogan suggested that we try Ayahuasca for an answer to the question but we decided it wasn’t in our best interests.

Controversial journalist Alex Jones believed the Congress party was responsible for Jeffery Epstein’s suicide after reading the tweet. Intriguingly enough, the FBI and the CIA were of the same opinion and told us that they would treat the Congress party’s twitter handle as a national mental health hazard henceforth. The Clintons, meanwhile, were just glad that they were off the hook and were too interested in partying than answering our question. Popular conservative commentator Ben Shapiro said his FACTS and LOGIC were no match for the Congress party’s tweet. Clinical Psychologist Jordan Peterson told us we should clean our rooms before attempting to decipher that tweet.

Closer home, IITian and Delhi CM Arvind Kejriwal told us, “Sab milay huay hain ji (Everyone is involved in this).” Mamata Banerjee and Naveen Patnaik were more concerned with which state gets the credit for Rosogolla than the content of the tweet, they cut the phone promising to send over a bucket of Rosogollas for the entire OpIndia team. Popular actor and now Lok Sabha MP, Sunny Deol, told us that “uprooting that goddamned handpump was way easier than this”.

When we posed the question to the CBI, they passed the question to P. Chidambaram, who is currently in their custody. Chidambaram promised to answer the question in lieu of his release, but the CBI would have none of it. “This is exactly the kind of transaction you tend to attempt that has landed you here in the first place,” we heard them tell the senior Congress leader as we prepared to take our leave.

Despite our best efforts, we were unable to find what Congress exactly meant when it said the BJP had supported Pakistan. Next, we intend to approach Tony Stark to help us with Time Travel so that we could go back in time and pose the question to some eminent personalities from the past. We hope that Albert Einstein or Nicola Tesla will have the answers we seek.

  Support Us  

Whether NDTV or 'The Wire', they never have to worry about funds. In name of saving democracy, they get money from various sources. We need your support to fight them. Please contribute whatever you can afford

K Bhattacharjee
Black Coffee Enthusiast. Post Graduate in Psychology. Bengali.

Related Articles

Trending now

Petition filed in HC wants Kangana Ranaut’s Twitter account deleted, mentions that she called Uddhav Thackeray govt ‘Pappu Sena’

The petition claimed that Kangana Ranaut had disrespected judiciary by posting a tweet in which she referred to Maharashtra govt as Pappu Sena.

‘If anything happens to him, CM will be responsible’: Expelled BJD MLA picked up by Odisha officials, wife says he is now untraceable

Expelled BJD leader Pradeep Panigrahi was picked up by EOW of the Crime Branch from his residence in Odisha as wife cries foul

From supporting Khalistanis to hurting religious sentiments of Sikhs: A brief intro of the new liberal favourite, Diljit Dosanjh

Singer Diljit Dosanjh has become the new blue-eyed boy of the left-liberal gang after he supported ongoing farmers protest

ISIS Mufti: Christians given ‘option’ to pay ‘Jizya’ and be protected by the Caliphate since they are ‘followers of the book’

ISIS terrorist Shifa Ali Bashir Muhammad revealed that ISIS had given the 'option' to the Christians of Mosul to pay Jiziya.

Here are 5 fear-mongering claims about the COVID vaccine, because even Harbhajan Singh is not ‘immune’ to rumours

Debunking claims about Covid-19 vaccine is the need of the hour as celebrities and influencers have started posting misleading information.

Mamata Banerjee brags about knowing 14 languages to compete with PM Modi, then says ‘I don’t like to show-off’: Read what happened

Well, the iconic "kaa kaa chi chi" song by Mamata Banerjee does not leave an iota of doubt on how talented the WB CM is

Recently Popular

From supporting Khalistanis to hurting religious sentiments of Sikhs: A brief intro of the new liberal favourite, Diljit Dosanjh

Singer Diljit Dosanjh has become the new blue-eyed boy of the left-liberal gang after he supported ongoing farmers protest

Mirzapur: Three Brahmin boys found dead, family says they were murdered with eyes gouged out, police deny

The three cousins: 14-year-old Sudhanshu Tiwari, 14-year-old Shivam Tiwari and Hariom Tiwari were mysteriously found dead in a pond in the Lalganj police station area, Mirzapur.

Exposing hypocrisy of Congress, CPIM, Bharatiya Kisan Union and even Justin Trudeau over the Farm Bills 2020, point by point

The industry scale hypocrisy surrounding the protests around Farm Laws is staggering

Kangana Ranaut vs Diljit Dosanjh fight turns ugly, she calls him Karan Johar’s pet dog

Days after Kangana mistook an elderly lady in Punjab farmers' protest for Bilkis Bano of Shaheen Bagh 'protests', Punjabi singer-actor Diljit Dosanjh got into a war of words with her on Twitter.

MDH Masala owner Mahashay Dharampal Gulati passes away at 97

Mahashay Dharampal Gulati, the owner of the spices brand 'MDH' passed away on Thursday morning following a cardiac arrest.

Even pandering doesn’t get India Today a free pass: Here is why ‘liberals’ are today cancelling Rajdeep and Rahul Kanwal

'Liberals' are cancelling India Today, Rajdeep Sardesai and Rahul Kanwal over their coverage of the allegations against Shehla Rashid

Petition filed in HC wants Kangana Ranaut’s Twitter account deleted, mentions that she called Uddhav Thackeray govt ‘Pappu Sena’

The petition claimed that Kangana Ranaut had disrespected judiciary by posting a tweet in which she referred to Maharashtra govt as Pappu Sena.

‘If anything happens to him, CM will be responsible’: Expelled BJD MLA picked up by Odisha officials, wife says he is now untraceable

Expelled BJD leader Pradeep Panigrahi was picked up by EOW of the Crime Branch from his residence in Odisha as wife cries foul

From supporting Khalistanis to hurting religious sentiments of Sikhs: A brief intro of the new liberal favourite, Diljit Dosanjh

Singer Diljit Dosanjh has become the new blue-eyed boy of the left-liberal gang after he supported ongoing farmers protest

ISIS Mufti: Christians given ‘option’ to pay ‘Jizya’ and be protected by the Caliphate since they are ‘followers of the book’

ISIS terrorist Shifa Ali Bashir Muhammad revealed that ISIS had given the 'option' to the Christians of Mosul to pay Jiziya.

PM Modi gave me pension, my sons assaulted me: Watch video of 85-year-old woman who wants to give 12-bigha land to PM Modi

The elderly woman said that while PM Modi gave her pension, her sons physically assaulted her, hence, she wanted to give land to him

Here are 5 fear-mongering claims about the COVID vaccine, because even Harbhajan Singh is not ‘immune’ to rumours

Debunking claims about Covid-19 vaccine is the need of the hour as celebrities and influencers have started posting misleading information.

Mamata Banerjee brags about knowing 14 languages to compete with PM Modi, then says ‘I don’t like to show-off’: Read what happened

Well, the iconic "kaa kaa chi chi" song by Mamata Banerjee does not leave an iota of doubt on how talented the WB CM is

Kangana Ranaut vs Diljit Dosanjh fight turns ugly, she calls him Karan Johar’s pet dog

Days after Kangana mistook an elderly lady in Punjab farmers' protest for Bilkis Bano of Shaheen Bagh 'protests', Punjabi singer-actor Diljit Dosanjh got into a war of words with her on Twitter.

Mangaluru police arrest online food delivery agent Nazeer Mohammad for painting graffitis hailing Islamic terror

The graffiti warned 'sanghis' and 'Manuvadis' that Lashkar and Taliban will be invited to deal with them.

Swati Chaturvedi wants to sue Twitter user and send him to jail for exposing her history of manipulated media

Swati Chaturvedi wants to sue someone for pointing out she shared photoshopped image after having apologised for sharing the same photoshopped image.

Connect with us

245,563FansLike
492,700FollowersFollow
20,300SubscribersSubscribe