On Tuesday, much to the surprise of many, a special court decided acquit all the accused in the 2G spectrum scam, which as per the prosecuting agencies caused a loss of Rs 30,000 crores to the public exchequer. According to the special court judge, the prosecution failed to prove its charges as a result of which they were dropped.
A resident of Bangalore named Mr Mukesh Jiowala though seems to have taken offence at this verdict, and has announced his decision to protest against it by threatening to start using 2G internet in place of his regular high speed 100 Mbps broadband connection.
2G internet is considered one of the slowest forms of internet available to man, with download speeds on the network barely exceeding 10 kbps. Such a frustrating experience is believed to either turn the user into a mad man requiring to be admitted to a mental asylum or makes him a grand master in being patient, which immediately enables him to attend nirvana.
We sent our reporter to know more about this serious matter and Mukesh too agreed to speak to us, “Well you see, the moment I noticed that the verdict had acquitted all the accused, even though the prima facie case against them was pretty strong, I became outraged. I rapidly started dishing out very angry tweets but it failed to quell my anger. As a result I knew I had to take it to the next level”.
“Now I didn’t really want to do cliched protests like fast unto death or threatening to burn myself alive, which generally don’t bother people anymore. So I decided to use 2G against the 2G verdict and came up with this plan, which I knew would shock people. I would hence forth only use 2G internet to carry out all my internet activities until all the accused are punished. So what if I would have to view buffering 144p videos, on my 50 inch 4K Ultra HD TV, I will at least send out a strong message.”
Such a threat by Mukesh has been brought to the notice of a local political party which has sent its workers to try to dissuade him from going ahead with his protest. Its local leader named Narendra Gandhi spoke to us on a condition of anonymity.
“This is a very serious matter, it is known that using 2G internet is a far more painful than starving to death. Just last month I did a fast unto death protest for two weeks but all the while I was binge watching Netflix on a 4G connection and I only felt hungry a week into my fast, when the video buffered for a while.”
“So forget not using the internet, if Mukesh starts using it on 2G, god knows what will happen. We have urged the CBI and Modi government to rapidly file an appeal in the High Court and pursue this case as top priority, which is probably the only way Mukesh may be dissuaded”.
Author’s note: The above piece is a work of satire, obviously no human would be suicidal enough to attempt such an extreme form of protest