Winter is coming. After the pristine air quality of Delhi was brutally devastated by Hindu terrorists busting firecrackers to celebrate their pagan festival, a dark, evil winter is approaching the national capital and it is coming fast.
The Kejriwal muffler has been taken out of the closet. The Hawai chappals have been paired with woollen socks and the order has been given. A long night of cold doubts and misinformation is imminent, for the night is dark and full of terrors. An army is marching. The Lord had spoken in his cough strained voice and the commanders are leading battalions of sombre, slow-walking fighters. Dragging their feet in the frost clad streets of Delhi, chanting their mantra with a rhythm that reverberates the freezing particulate heavy air of Delhi.
Did you just read the above para in Jon Snow’s voice? Did you wonder “but the night king’s army is silent”. Through 7 seasons of Game of Thrones, the dead zombies of the frozen lands have not spoken a word except for shrieks and grunts, then how can they chant some Mantra? This is not the night king’s zombies we are discussing, dear readers, we are discussing Kejriwal’s AAP’s 15,000 ‘social media warriors’. Soon, all your TLs, homepages and WhatsApp are going to be flooded by the Arvind Kejriwal led AAP army’s battle cry, Is this true, Is this true, is this true?
Kejriwal’s AAP is planning a full frontal war of fake news. Sorry, that was a typo. We meant ‘on’ fake news of course. As per a report in Hindustan Times, army commander Ankit Lal has gathered 15,000 volunteers to be active on social media and counter ‘fake news’.
The army is to be battle-ready by mid-December and that is when we all should expect them to strike. After Saudi Arabia is tasked with heading the United Nations Human Rights Commission, AAP’s battle on fake news will be the next legendary event.
Fake news is the new ‘intolerance in India’. Our secular liberals use it in abundance to pontificate. When needed, fake news is coated with the ubiquitous ‘is this true’ and is sent out to the universe to morph and spread. Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey met Rahul Gandhi yesterday to discuss the menace of fake news. However, looking at the history of statements by Rahul Gandhi, it was only apt, because, as CEO of Twitter, Jack was not fussing about the menace, he went to confront the menace himself.
Imagine a world where Britain discusses the damages done by colonialism. Tipu Sultan condemns forced conversions. Indian TV serials talk sense. Salman Khan conducts lectures on driving regulations and the clerics of Darul Uloom Deoband hold a conference on women empowerment. Unlikely as they may seem, politics is the realm of infinite possibilities and AAP fits right in.
Kejriwal’s AAP and fake news have known each other for a long time. What better way to combat an enemy if you do not know it well. From claiming PM did not allow Kejriwal to carry his mobile phone to the PM favouring China for import of manjas for kites, AAP has done it all. Covered with the safety helmet of ‘Is this true?’, the little lies and misinformation are shared with the masses, waiting for doubts and confusion to take their course.
AAP has able commanders to lead this army. Equipped with arts of obfuscation, impunity and sharp instincts of blaming Modi for everything under the sun, these commanders are the masters of their art. Be it their IT cell head to their ministers and MLAs, the AAP army is undoubtedly in good hands.
The arts of war come in myriad forms and AAP leaders have mastered all of it. How many people can boast of timing a photograph at the exact nano-second where a tear-drop is dangling precariously on the edge of someone’s lip? Or manage a sly ‘you deserve it’ whenever they hear of a political opponent suffering from a disease? AAP does and it does it in style. AAP leaders are more skilled than the best shapeshifters. They can be EVM engineers one day and defence experts on the next. One day they are economists and just like that they become psephologists.
The days of dharna are over. People have just seen too many dharnas and the images of relaxed men spread over plush sofas demanding ‘justice’ are unlikely to create a mass movement. Those critics who frowned over the sight of Delhi’s CM and two senior ministers lying on sofas of Raj Bhawan for days on end will get their answers as to what ‘work’ was being done when the formidable army of 15,000 AAP volunteers will sweep over millions of smartphones and laptops.
As Kejrwail’s AAP army prepares to march, we Indians must brace ourselves for the onslaught. 2019 general elections are near and by the time the winter is over, the cyberworld as we know it will not be the same. As the reverberating chants of ‘Is this true’ fill over our mind space and awaken us to the universe of alternate realities, we, the social media users can only hope that some Mohalla clinics are left functional. For not all of us can afford trips to Bengaluru.