Leisure

5 things Sasikala can do to completely stop the MLAs from escaping

As the impasse between Panneerselvam and Sasikala continues, Sasikala has proceeded to literally take 130 AIADMK MLAs hostage so as to ensure they don’t trespass and end up supporting the Panneerselvam camp. She has them locked up inside Golden Bay Resorts in Chennai and has installed mobile jammers, cut off internet wires, switched off Wifi, denied them newspapers and has also added a perimeter security to ensure that the MLAs don’t scale the resort wall and escape. The hotel staff has been tasked with patrolling the corridors and keep tabs (snoop) on the MLAs. Though on the brighter side the food is good and yesterday the MLA’s were served fish and mutton curry, various rice and vegetables, thaalis and desserts.

We were so moved by these extensive efforts of Sasikala that we decided to provide her with 5 more such methods by which she can make it virtually impossible for the MLA’s to escape from the Zoo Resort.

1. Organize Jallikattu inside the Resort premises: She can hire a Jallikattu bull which is easily available nowadays as no one is interested in Jallikattu currently and can proceed to organize the event in Resort grounds where the MLAs would try to tame the bull. So after the event ends the MLAs would be so tired they would slump on their beds and not even dream about escaping.

2. Build a wall around the MLAs and make Panneerselvam pay for it: Like Donald Trump is planning to build a wall along the US Mexico border and intending to make Mexico pay for it, Sasikala too can make a great, huge and beautiful wall around each of her MLAs so that they don’t escape. And going by Trump’s logic she can somehow make Panneerselvam pay for it.

3. Dig up a moat containing deadly crocodiles around the resort: Even though humans have been brave enough to skydive from outer space, many are still afraid about the prospect of getting eaten alive by dangerous animals with sharp teeth. So taking a cue from a medieval castle, Sasikala can dig a deep moat around the Resort and fill it up with water and hungry crocodiles. So if any courageous MLA does manage to scale the resort wall, he is going directly into the awaiting crocodile’s stomach.

4. Make the hotel staff speak only Hindi which might start a brawl: Some people in Tamil Nadu are a bit touchy about Hindi. So if Sasikala makes all the staff snooping on the MLAs speak only in Hindi they might get aggravated and start a bitter quarrel thereby forgetting about escaping and joining up with Panneerselvam.

5. Send Engineering students to live with the MLAs: Engineering students are a peculiar species and if Sasikala throws in a couple of engineering students in each MLA’s room she can ensure MLAs would never escape. As almost immediately the engineers can induce the MLAs to start living their lifestyle like sleeping for 16 hours a day, going to classes (work in MLA’s case) once every 6 months, binge watching Game of Thrones among others which would make the MLAs so lazy and occupied that they would completely forget there’s a political war out there.

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