From trusted sources, we have retrieved a highly confidential letter written by beleaguered Team Australia Coach Darren Lehmann, to former Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. The text is reproduced as below:
I hope you are in good health. I trust you are aware of the recent fiasco that has hit my team. Some members of the Australian cricket team have been caught on camera, first trying to tamper with the ball and then feigning ignorance. The matter has reached such a stage that some players have been suspended. As you know, I knew nothing about this entire issue.
In spite of the above, my integrity is being questioned by one and all in the media. In these tough times, I tried to find guiding figures all across the globe. My friends pointed out that the best person to guide me in this matter would be your good self. They recollected how you have been in similar situations in the past, and yet have managed to hold the media in awe of you.
You were much like the “coach” of UPA. The “selectors” were some other people, but you were quite clearly the public figurehead of managing the team. Your “team members” too were caught doing improper activities. Be it the 2G scam, or the Coal-gate scam, where the matter reached to your office and its members. Yet, in all of the above, and other cases, all your team members had to “resign” one by one, and you maintained that you had no inkling of the wrongdoing. Today, the Indian media sings paeans to your stint as “coach”.
Being in a similar position, I seek guidance from you. Please let me know how I can handle the scenario. I have thought of a few options, please let me know if they are feasible:
1. “Coalition compulsion”: I can very well argue that a cricket team is a coalition of players belonging to different provinces, and also the coach, and the selectors. The managing staff are also a part of the coalition. Due to such pressure groups, it is always difficult to reign in everyone and sometimes it is wise to just look the other way like you did.
2. “Find my A Raja”: The easiest way to deflect all blame is to find someone else to be blamed. UPA found A Raja as a suitable candidate, to blame for the entire 2G mess, absolving, the PM, PMO, and anyone else. In our case, we may have already found him: David Warner. The entire team considers him to be the root of the problem. Please advise if we can go ahead with this plan.
3. “Silence is golden”: Will it be better to just stay quiet? Your years of silence have managed to silence many critics. Today, former opponents like Sidhu, who once mocked your silence, are now paying glowing tributes to that very silence.
Sir, I am hopeful that you will apply your brilliant economist mind and give me right advice on this matter. In the meanwhile, I am also in touch with Cambridge Analytica, to help resurrect my social media image. A word of recommendation from you would go a long way.