Tuesday, May 26, 2020
Home Variety Satire Diary of a Delhi Liberal: Maharashtra, Chidambaram and the Telangana encounter

Diary of a Delhi Liberal: Maharashtra, Chidambaram and the Telangana encounter

The good news didn’t just come from Tihar, it came from Mumbai as well.

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Liberals of Delhi
Bullshitting sitting in Lutyens Delhi.

Dear Diary,

What an exciting week we had in our fight to keep liberal secularism alive in this country. The commander of liberal secular forces, the Nelson Mandela of our times, P. Chidambaram came out of jail this week. While Mandela only remained in jail for some 27 years, Chidambaram ji stayed in Tihar for 100+ days so, in some ways, he became greater than Mandela. To be honest, our payments were also getting a bit delayed with liberalism’s financier in jail but we are sure that will be taken care of now and we can go to our annual Bora Bora vacation.

The good news didn’t just come from Tihar, it came from Mumbai as well. Finally, Maharashtra is back in the secular fold after 5 years of communal fascism as secular leader Uddhav Thackeray ascended to the CM chair. It was a fantastic win for the democracy as the public mandate was respected and Uddhav Ji was crowned the Chief Minister. To be honest, it was a bit of relief after the last week where Ajit Pawar turned corrupt and communal for a couple of days. However, the truth finally triumphed dear diary and people got what they voted for. Good to note that Uddhav Ji has started the fight against fascism immediately and halted every infrastructure project in the state. So far, we have been very impressed with his dynamism and his determination to do nothing.

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This is just the beginning of the return of the liberal order diary, soon other states will move towards the light, as we expect victories for administrator par excellence Arvind Kejriwal in Delhi, honesty personified Lalu ji in Bihar, and free press supporting Mamata Ji in Bengal.

Anyway, enough of the electoral politics diary, there is some worrying news elsewhere. Our beloved leader Priyanka Gandhi Vadra has no security at all right now. Her SPG protection has been removed and now she has pathetic Z+ security with 55 security personnel protecting her. 55, just 55, we drink that many wine bottles in a day, what can 55 men do if Pakistan Army attacks Priyanka Ji? We are trying our best to overturn this decision and hopefully, it will be overturned. Women in India are under threat and providing SPG security to Priyanka ji can really help women all over the country.

Talking about women security diary, we saw Telangana police kill all the rapists in Hyderabad case. We are confused about our reaction to that. We supported terrorist Ishrat Jahan after her encounter but that was easy, we had to target Modi and Shah but what to do after Telangana encounter, we don’t even know if KCR is with us or against us. Anyway, we will wait for Ahmed Sir’s signal before saying anything.

Meanwhile, our battle against fascism continues unabated, dear diary. Rahul Bajaj, a friend of ours, criticised that goon Amit Shah on his face and also told him that there is so much fear in the country that nobody can criticise Amit Shah on his face. We followed that up with 21 editorials, 42 tweets, 13 YouTube videos, and 19 Instagram stories telling everyone how our voices have been shut down and we haven’t been allowed to speak everywhere. Lit fest season will be here soon so we will repeat this in all those festivals as well.

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Some good news on the personal front diary, our NGOs to help the poor and underprivileged have been doing so well that we have bought a new beachside property in Odessa. Helping the poor has always been a rewarding experience for us and that continues.

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Liberals of Delhi
Bullshitting sitting in Lutyens Delhi.

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