How Rana Ayyub explains Twitter trends

We know Rana Ayyub is a shrewd smart lady worthy of joining CBI, and yesterday she showed us her skills yet again. “#RANDI” was a hashtag trending in India for almost the whole day. Normal people find out what a hashtag is about, by clicking on it and checking the tweets under it. Some or the other tweet gives the meaning. But those are normal people, not super-intelligent detectives like Ayyub, who just need their brains to guess the origin of a hashtag:

Unfortunately for Ayyub, her deductions were once again proved wrong. RANDI was the acronym of “Research and Development International”, a new Joint Pakistan-China Think Tank and had nothing to do with any “patriotic brigade” or rapists or anyone in India.

At 10.00pm last night, these were the trending topics in India.

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We try to imagine how Rana Ayyub would have deciphered the reasons behind these trending topics:

#RahulRoars: When a term like #RahulRoars trends on twitter, it is clear sanghi bigots think Rahulji is an uncivilized man-eating animal from the jungle. Sick!

#DDvsKKR: Delhi fighting with Delhi! What to expect from such a divisive Government, even cities are now fighting for each others blood. Will there ever be peace in Modi’s rule?

#BecauseItsIndia: Bhakts trending #BecauseItsIndia because according to them the whole universe exists because of India and its Hindu culture. Dangerous levels of Nationalism these.

#ZaynWeveMissedYou: Poor Muslim Zain murdered in another Hindu state sponsored pogrom. Yes Mr Bhagwat, your goons have begun killing members of music bands too!

Umesh Yadav: Trending of a caste name like “Yadav” shows that Amit Shah is busy dividing Bihar on the lines of caste to reap political benefits. How low will you stoop kali daadi?

Ankit Keshri: Wondering why an unknown name is trending on Twitter? See the surname: Keshri. Modi’s India is saffronizing even twitter trends. I am sure Raheel is being forced to sing Jai Mata Di songs!

GABBAR is coming: But Gabbar has already come, from his multination visit, wearing his Louis Vuitton shawl, come back to pass LAB and steal the land of ramgarh ke gaanwale. Will my Jai (Rahul) and Veeru (Arvind) stand up to him?

Sarkar: The Sarkar that never sleeps, always snoops. Lurks at every corner, even in twitter trends. Leave us alone you voyeuristic Saheb!

Morne Morkel: A quality pace bowler, but trending only at last space. Shows the worth of quality and merit in a crony-capitalist Government of Hindu Nationalists.

 

 

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