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Dear Supreme Court, tell me how to celebrate Hindu festivals

Recently the Supreme Court was seen passing decisions on how Dahi Handi, a Hindu festival, should be celebrated. On the pretext that the human pyramids were dangerous, SC went on to prescribe the maximum height of the pyramid, and even proposed a condition which was impossible to ensure compliance with: restricting participation by people below the age of 18.

Considering how wide an ambit today’s Supreme Court has, and being a law abiding citizen, I wish that I worship My Lords in the sky without breaking any laws, hence I make this appeal to My Lords on earth:

A shriphal’s total height,

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The lumens in a diya,

Is the kalash alright?

Tell me, oh SC dear!

 

How much pushp should I use?

Which genera and species?

I am extremely obtuse,

Oh SC, tell me please!

 

The greenness of a betel,

And radius of its nut,

How should agarbathi smell?

Oh SC, tell me that!

 

Powderiness of haldi,

And roundness of laddoo,

What viscosity of ghee?

SC, please give a clue!

 

The distance from the murti,

That I can stand and pray!

What Kelvin should be aarti?

Would SC deign to say?

 

If apples are expensive,

Will bananas suffice?

I hope it’s not offensive,

SC, what’s your advice?

 

When enjoying (dry) Holi,

What RGBs to use?

During (silent) Diwali,

What dB is abuse?

 

Those daandiyas, by the way

What is their legal size?

How much, in grams, should they weigh?

Oh SC, make me wise!

 

Without going to and fro,

Let me ask you outright,

As a Hindu can I grow,

To more than 5 feet height?

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