How the media will rediscover UP after Yogi Adityanath’s appointment

Yogi Adityanath was declared the BJP’s Chief Minister in Uttar Pradesh on Saturday, a week after the BJP stormed into power in the state after winning 312 of 403 seats in the recently concluded assembly elections. Eminent media-persons indulging in their way of Saturday Night frolic proceeded to completely discredit Vin Deisel  Yogi Adityanath before he had even sworn in as the Chief Minister.

There is indeed a dangerous transformation the state will witness in the coming days. If one goes by some media reports, UP until recently before the communal BJP took over was a really nice place which was flourishing under the regime of Akhilesh Yadav.

If it wasn’t, then how come the only hard hitting questions Rajdeep Sardesai could come up during his interview of Akhilesh Yadav were asking him about his favourite animal, favourite holiday destinations among others. Even a dedicated team of Economic Times was taking the pains of propagating the fact that Uttar Pradesh under Akhilesh had turned into a paradise bereft of that snake who indulged in selling apples to an innocent couple some time back.

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But now as the very dangerous BJP and Yogi Adityanath have come to power thanks to an elaborate EVM fraud the atmosphere in the state would rapidly change from being a paradise to being what Gujarat became after tyrannical Modi took over.

Soon you would start hearing how UP has suddenly been thrown into anarchy, as the crime rate, which was very low, will suddenly risen. Even a couple of schoolkids brawling would be portrayed as two future VHP activists training themselves so that they can spread terror when they grow up.

An incident of two people who met in an accident and coincidentally had different religions would be portrayed as inter-religious riots breaking out in the state due to open endorsement by UP ruling party. Even if the both are from the same religion, subtle nuanced reporting will reveal how one of them was from a lower caste and how he was being oppressed by upper castes who had been emboldened by the BJP.

Revolutionary mathematics calculations like the one below would be undertaken by post truth Aryabhatas to conclude how atrocities on Dalits have seen a meteoric spike after the BJP came to power:

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We had seen the imaginative “Christianity under attack” routine, but soon, don’t rule out a sequel in the form of “Muslims under attack” as regular law and order incidents would be given a communal twist. Certain religions would be shielded though by calling them a “particular community”, whenever they are in the wrong.

Communal riots would become common-place. Even though UP has clocked over 7500 riots in a year in the past, journalists will argue that “data” is over-hyped and the “mahaul” is important, trying to underscore how UP has become exponentially unsafe after BJP came to power.

Even corruption would see a huge spike in the state and an incident of a citizen giving a packet of sweets to a politician celebrate his daughter’s wedding would be concluded as an example of blatant and uncontrolled bribery in the state.

Further, you would hear various quotable quotes which were supposedly uttered by Yogi Adityanath. With Modi as Gujarat CM, media had invented many quotes such as “action-reaction”, and in the case of Yogi, they have already begun creating some new quotes.

In order to protest against it all, a journalist would then make the supreme sacrifice of returning the awards he won for all the boxing competitions he took part in. Others would mass apply for visas to Pakistan or Syria. If they would be denied one due to security reasons, they would accuse the Modi government of imprisoning them in the country.

And last but not the least, every-time CM Adityanath utters words like gram, program, anagram, hologram, he would be accused of running a divisive Ram Mandir agenda.

Note: This is a piece of satire and should be read with a pinch of Tata Salt. The author may or may not have been paid by Tata for the last statement.


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