Sometimes even the most mundane events spark off a chain of thoughts which end up in a sense of deep enlightenment. How Archimedes discovered a basic law of physics, while having bath, how Newton discovered gravity, while wasting his time away under an apple tree, I too hit upon the most profound knowledge while mindlessly scrolling on my social media wall.
It began when I saw this tweet from the news site TheQuint: “Should we allow kids to unleash terror on the streets in the name of Holi”?
At first, the tweet appeared illogical. But as I kept thinking about it, it made me realise that we are raising an army of children trained to be terrorists.
The first element of any terror attack is finding innocent victims. It can be anyone, a man, a woman, a child, of any religion, caste, or creed. The only condition being that they must be “infidels”. It’s the same with Holi. Children target only innocent victims. They never go after the ones who are already bathed in colour (the faithful). They enjoy targeting those unsuspecting infidels who are not part of their cult, who are not initiated into their faith. Isn’t this Hindu terror?
The second element of any terror attack is surprise. Ever heard of Al Qaeda announcing in advance that they will be targeting a particular embassy in Kabul? The attack is always carried out in stealth mode, and only after the world has seen the impact, is credit taken. Similarly, children lurk around corners, behind cars, under stairs, waiting for their prey to arrive. Once the attack has materialised, they come out of the shadows to proudly take responsibility.
Thirdly, terrorists use advanced sophisticated weapons which usually explode upon impact releasing harmful chemicals into the surrounding area. Yup, this is what children refer to as water balloons. A recent study has revealed that a child throwing water-balloons on Holi has 95.42% chance of ending up as a Jihadi in war-torn terrains:
Such radicalization of children at an early age results in increased flow of terrorosterone hormone in the human body/ Another recent study has revealed that terrorosterone was found nearly in all terrorists and in some students of JNU too.
And what is the main weapon used in Holi? Harmful chemicals like dihydrogen monoxide mixed with dyes (sounds like dies). The world has condemned the use of chemical weapons even in wars, and India is promoting use of such inhuman chemicals? For shame!
Finally, what is Holi about? The festival of Holi is based on an ancient barbaric ritual of burning Holika, the “devil”. Alternate reading of history though tells us that Holika was actually a dutiful sister to a noble immortal king. Her only “fault” was that she decided to help her brother King Hiranyakashipu (Grace be upon him), in defeating his unworthy, unfaithful son Prahlad, who had begun worshipping false misogynistic Gods. For this, Holika was brutally burnt on a bonfire, while the hideous beasts who did this ghastly act revelled in mirth. Of course, the story has been massively altered now, to portray Holika as a demon.
Holi is thus based on lies and deceit, and even so, it advocates burning people you do not like in bonfires. THIS is exactly what terrorists do, they burn people up in fires because they do not like them!
The similarities just don’t end. Without doubt, Holi is the next best thing there can be to actual hard-core terrorism. In some cases it can be worse. At least in a terrorist attack, the pain is short-lived. One moment of a flash, a bit of bang, some smoke, and you are out of your misery. Ask a woman the lifelong pain, ignominy and shame, of wearing a light coloured dress, stained with Holi chemicals, which does not get cleaned even after using the best detergent! The Horror! Spare a though for the child of such a woman, scarred for life, as his friends constantly manipulate his brain to humiliate him for his mother’s stained dress. What do you think such children end up as? Terrorists again!
Prime Minister Modi must enact a tough legal provision -Deholitisation, where in Holi is banned for eternity. In fact, this move will go hand in hand with his vision of “Swacch Bharat”. He must only show the gumption to take such unpopular yet morally correct decisions. Lets save our children while we can!