Wednesday, December 2, 2020
Home Variety Satire Bharti Singh resisted initially but offered full cooperation once she realised NCB officials were...

Bharti Singh resisted initially but offered full cooperation once she realised NCB officials were treating her far better than Kapil Sharma ever did: OpIndia brings details

NCB officials admitted that they should have spotted the warning signs when movies such as 'Jaani Dushman: Ek Anokhi Kahani' and 'Rudraksh' started hitting the theatres. Now, the problem has gotten much worse.

The residence of comedian Bharti Singh has been raided by the Narcotics Control Bureau in the most recent instance of its continued crackdown on the Bollywood Drug Racket in the aftermath of the death of Sushant Singh Rajput. Sources with knowledge of the situation informed us that although Bharti Singh resisted quite a bit initially, she soon offered her full cooperation once she realised that the NCB was treating her far better than her colleague Kapil Sharma ever did.

In her haze, Bharti Singh broke out into an impromptu jig, elated that she could finally count herself as a Bollywood celebrity now that she has been raided by the NCB. She also insisted that the ‘acid’ the NCB was trying to seize from her was actually acid that she had purchased for cleaning purposes at her residence. But Dr. Salunkhe from the CID, who was present at the scene, quickly tested the contents and confirmed that it was ‘acid’ acid and not acid ‘acid’.

Meanwhile, we approached Kapil Sharma for a comment. He said, in no uncertain terms, that he always ‘suspected she was on some pretty good sh*t’ because ‘no one in their right mind’ could possibly have dealt with the ‘sh*t’ he threw at everyone only for a few hundred thousand more bucks. He advised us to tip off NCB about Archana Puransingh as well because of her tendency to laugh even at terribly unfunny jokes.

Recognising he was in a good mood and was unlikely to get abusive and attack us with the broom lying in the corner, we decided to carry on the conversation. On questioning why Navjot Singh Sidhu should be let off by the same metric, he told us that wasn’t the affect of drugs. Sidhu got hit on the head one too many times by those nasty bouncers, Kapil Sharma said justifying his reasoning.

According to him, Sidhu’s decision to quit the BJP in favour of Congress and his antic since then are a consequence of those ‘nasty bouncers’ as well. “It’s like someone quitting IPL to play for the Pakistan Super League, going from Mumbai Indians to Lahore Qalandars… Man, the bouncers did him good,” Kapil Sharma said on Sidhu’s political career.

The NCB is surprised as well at the widespread prevalence of drug use in the entertainment industry as well. Reliable Sources (who are as reliable as CNN Doofus Brian Stelter’s) told us that at first, the NCB officials were hesitant to raid Bharti Singh as her ‘good health’ did not indicate extensive drug use. But in the end, seniors made the call that if Bharti Singh too was in the grips of it, then pretty much everyone was in the loop.

The NCB suspects that the widespread use of drugs also explains how movies such as Student Of The Year 2 was ever made. It is also suspected that drugs could potentially explain the questionable casting choices that have been made in recent times. Someone must have been under the influence of some potent drug to enlist Bobby Deol, a luminary of the Bollywood Hall of Fame for flopstars, for Housefull 4, we are told.

However, we can confidently say that Ram Gopal Verma is not under the radar. We were astonished by the decision given that the Twitter feed of RGV and his movies such as ‘Aag’ (the Sholay remake) could not possibly have been made by someone in complete control of their mental faculties. But we were reliably informed that RGV has always been this way, having been dropped too many times on his head as a kid.

In other news, we have learnt that Deepika Padukone is furious with her hubby Ranveer Singh. She believes that she found herself on the NCB radar because Ranveer’s fashion statements were a dead giveaway. Dino Morea, meanwhile, is extremely grateful to the NCB because finally, his name was taken in the same breath as Shahrukh Khan. However, his biggest crime remains participating in the abomination titled ‘Pyaar Impossible’ featuring Uday Chopra in the lead.

The NCB suspects that the Bollywood Drug Racket has been operating in the film industry for years and years now. Officials admitted that they should have spotted the warning signs when movies such as ‘Jaani Dushman: Ek Anokhi Kahani’ and ‘Rudraksh’ started hitting the theatres. Now, the problem has gotten much worse.

We were also told Himesh Reshammiya’s amazing transformation from an average looking Gujarati man to an Indian version of ‘The Undertaker’ (if he were a singer instead of a WWE superstar) and finally to a pirated Justin Bieber has nothing to do with LSD. NCB officials told us that as further evidence of Reshammiya’s clean record, he has been calling everyone in the movie industry to tell them, ‘Mujhe tere ghar me roti chahiye, LSD nahi!’

Note: The above article is a work of satire and should be taken as humour

  Support Us  

Whether NDTV or 'The Wire', they never have to worry about funds. In name of saving democracy, they get money from various sources. We need your support to fight them. Please contribute whatever you can afford

Searched termsNCB raids
K Bhattacharjee
Black Coffee Enthusiast. Post Graduate in Psychology. Bengali.

Related Articles

Trending now

Yogi Adityanath to visit Maharashtra to attract investments to UP, Uddhav Thackeray says will not let anyone forcibly take away businesses

Yogi Adityanath will meet several industrialists and celebrities during his visit to Maharashtra to encourage them to invest in UP

After brutally suppressing protests by indigenous tribes in Canada, PM Justin Trudeau pontificates over farmers’ protests in India

Even though Canadian PM Justin Trudeau expressed his "concern" over the farmers' protest in India, Canada had last year moved WTO against India for high MSP rates

Farmer protest: From celebrity protestors hijacking the ‘protest’ to AAP and Congress fighting for credit, the circus is here

The farmers protests in Delhi have turned into a Shaheen Bagh redux with the same usual suspects coming together.

PFI is using ’72 hoors in Jannat’ concept to lure Muslim men into Jihadi activities, running terrorist schools: Sufi Islamic Board

PFI and SDPI are under scanner after the anti-Hindu Delhi Riots and Bengaluru riots earlier this year.

Maharashtra: Farmers in four districts record Rs 10 crore out-of-mandi trade with the help of new farm laws

FPCs in four districts in Maharashtra have made about Rs 10 crores from trade outside mandis after the laws were passed

Instead of answering allegations, Shehla Rashid decides to run away from a live show, calls her father ‘greedy’

Shehla Rashid, JNU student leader, has been accused by her biological father Abdul Rashid Shora, of taking Rs 3 crore from terror funding accused Zahoor Vatali and Rashid Engineer.

Recently Popular

Indian man proposes to his Australian girlfriend during Ind vs Aus cricket match, here is what happened next

While India's performance has been below par, netizens found happiness in the unusual proposal that became the highlight of the match.

Shiv Sena to organise Azaan recitation competition, party leader calls it as important as ‘Maha Aarti’

Shiv Sena is to bear the cost of the event and will also reward the contest winners.

SFJ ads appear on YouTube offering $10m support for farmers, in return, wants Sikhs to join ‘Khalistan movement’: Details

Amid ongoing farmers’ protests in Punjab, Haryana, and Delhi, it is evident that Khalistani supporters have hijacked the protests and now, they are running ads on YouTube

Indian Idol contestant reveals how she faced opposition from conservative Muslim society as singing is ‘not allowed’

The Indian Idol contestant revealed how women in her society are looked down upon if they try to excel in any field.

Wife of late Wajid Khan writes on her sufferings in an inter-faith marriage, says anti-conversion law should be nationalised

Wife of late music composer Wajid Khan wrote how her husband and his family had been forcing her to convert to Islam after their marriage

Yogi snubs Trudeau, deputes bureaucrats to welcome the Canadian PM

The Canadian PM seems to be getting differential treatment

London: South Hall’s Havelock Road, named after British general who fought Sikhs, renamed as Guru Nanak Road

The name change of a part of Havelock road in London's Southall district will come into effect early in 2021

Yogi Adityanath to visit Maharashtra to attract investments to UP, Uddhav Thackeray says will not let anyone forcibly take away businesses

Yogi Adityanath will meet several industrialists and celebrities during his visit to Maharashtra to encourage them to invest in UP

Blocked roads, shut shops, water scarcity: Delhiites suffer due to farmer protests while the state govt welcomes the protesters

Several roads connecting Delhi with nearby states have been blocked by police due to farmer protests, increasing traffic on other ones

As Justin Trudeau interferes in India’s internal politics, ‘liberals’ invoke ‘Howdy, Trump’ event to again spread lies on PM Modi

Leftist liberals started hoping on one leg after some social media users slammed Justin Trudeau for interfering in India internal matters

Indian security forces entered 200 meters inside Pakistan to unearth starting point of the tunnel used by JeM terrorists

On November 22, a 150-meter tunnel used by terrorists was detected by security forces in Samba sector of Jammu and Kashmir

‘Sanitary Panels clearly implies that SC is biased towards BJP’: Attorney General slams comic artist for assault on courts, allows contempt proceedings

Webcomic Sanitary Panels founder Rachita Taneja is known for her controversial, hateful and often Hinduphobic Tweets

Meerut: Communal tension after members of Muslim community create ruckus over Facebook post ‘insulting’ Prophet Muhammad

Police force from several police stations was reportedly called in to control the situation in Meerut.

Uttar Pradesh: Case under new Love Jihad law filed against two men for trying to convert a married Hindu woman to Islam

Case filed against Nadeem and Salman for trying to convert their Hindu co-worker Akshay's wife to Islam by regularly visiting her

After brutally suppressing protests by indigenous tribes in Canada, PM Justin Trudeau pontificates over farmers’ protests in India

Even though Canadian PM Justin Trudeau expressed his "concern" over the farmers' protest in India, Canada had last year moved WTO against India for high MSP rates

After creating trouble during Delhi Riots and Hathras, Bhim Army chief reaches the farmer protests site, now hijacked by Khalistanis

The so-called farmer protests have already been marred by the presence of Khalistani elements.

Connect with us

245,563FansLike
491,848FollowersFollow
20,300SubscribersSubscribe